Joke of the day

[HymenBreacher]

I'm not the original author for this, but since the SB is still down, here is a joke of the day for everyone -


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Marty woke up at home one day with a huge hangover. He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sat down and saw his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looked around the room and saw that it was in perfect order, clean & spotless. So was the rest of the house. He took the aspirins and noticed a note on the table, "Honey, breakfast is on the stove; I left early to go shopping. Love you."

So he went to the kitchen and sure enough there was hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son was also at the table, eating. Marty asked, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son said, "Well, you came home after 3A.M., all drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door! "

Confused, Marty asked, "So, why is everything in so perfect order and so clean, and why is breakfast waiting for me on the table?"

His son replied, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Leave me alone lady, I'm married!"

[Xunzar]

*laughs* Ok, that's brilliant.

[Xandria]

Someone sent me this awhile back and it never fails to make me chuckle.  :D

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An elderly couple Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret looked him over. "Nope."

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.  Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!" 

Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?' 

"Nope", she replied, "IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied,  "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert...shoulda bought a hat."

[Anesa]

A Cowgirl desperately needed a few days off from work but knew that the Boss would probably not allow her to take any leave.  The Cowgirl thought that maybe if she acted crazy then he would tell her to take a few days off.  So the Cowgirl proceeded to hang upside down from the ceiling, making funny noises.  Her (big-dumb-jock) co-worker asked her what she was doing.  The Cowgirl told him that she was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think she was crazy and give her a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss walked into the office and asked, 'What are you doing?'  The Cowgirl tells him that she is a light bulb.  He said 'You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".

The Cowgirl jumped down and walked out of the office.  When her co-worker (the big-dumb-jock) followed her, the Boss asked: '..And where do you think you're going?'

( You're gonna love this..... )

He said, 'I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!'

[Kendra]

guys those were all excellent

totally cracked me up Xandria ;)

well done and keep up the giggles - I'll post up when my brain can recall one  :-)

[Xunzar]

A Cowgirl desperately needed a few days off from work but knew that the Boss would probably not allow her to take any leave.  The Cowgirl thought that maybe if she acted crazy then he would tell her to take a few days off.  So the Cowgirl proceeded to hang upside down from the ceiling, making funny noises.  Her (big-dumb-jock) co-worker asked her what she was doing.  The Cowgirl told him that she was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think she was crazy and give her a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss walked into the office and asked, 'What are you doing?'  The Cowgirl tells him that she is a light bulb.  He said 'You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".

The Cowgirl jumped down and walked out of the office.  When her co-worker (the big-dumb-jock) followed her, the Boss asked: '..And where do you think you're going?'

( You're gonna love this..... )

He said, 'I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!'

XD