Hell Yeah I Look Good (And So Do You)

[Braioch]

Self-image.
Self-Confidence.
Body Image.
Self-Depreciation.

All words used and flung about constantly in our day to day life, you hear it from just about every angle. From explaining why all these eating disorders exist, to why people hurt themselves or kill themselves. You hear people talk about how so and so is 'soooo confident' or you hear 'I suffer from low self-image.' Or better yet...

'I'm just sooo fat, why can't I be skinny like her?' (To be honest, women are not meant to be stick thin, women evolved to be curvy, a bit hippy. There is a reason they're called 'child-bearing hips' people. It's healthy for women. If you're not naturally rail thin, you're only hurting yourself and being an idiot.)

'Ugh, guys can eat so much and not gain a pound, I eat a few crackers and gain like 5 pounds.' (An exaggeration, but not the point. Again, men, who were typically more active in their day to day lives, at least in the whole 'running for their damn lives to kill or to not be eaten' sense, evolved to have leaner and stronger bodies. Women needed fat reserves, for child bearing and for surviving. So yeah, that's going to happen a lot.)

'I'm just so pale and pasty, you tan so well and make me look like I'm sickly...' (Tan skin and/or the ability to tan is genetic, so quit bemoaning it. That's Karma, neh? And in any case you're supposed to be blocking harmful sun rays anyways, not exposing your skin too it so blatantly so that you can get bronzed. Also, stop the fake tan, you look like a chocolate orange, which is by far worse than being pale. Plus, the ancient Japanese felt the more color to your skin, the more of a peasant you were. So pale meant noble, regal, and just plain the shit. So there ya go.)

There really are more, but I think a few examples will cover it for now.

When it gets right down to it, you don't 'suffer' from a low self-image, at least not in the sense that you catch it and slowly succumb to it. It starts with people and society, both comments and expectations. Then you adopt those expectations and place them on yourself, and lo' and behold, you don't fit them. Here's a little thing for everyone to remember, no one will ever fit the perfect image, they all have flaws physically, not just in other aspects. Not only that, but even the best looking people are self-conscious at times, they notice their flaws and most people haven't the slightest understanding just how attractive they are. A majority of people UNDERESTIMATE, rather than overestimate, their own physical attractiveness.

So yes, a person's physical appearance is important for first reactions, but after that, a pretty face with a dull personality and a slow mind is going to lose out. Now take someone who beats themselves up and thinks their 'sooooo ugly,' what are you going to get?

Me personally, I want nothing to do with that person. I am not your personal ego booster, I do not want to have to constantly pick your self-image up and put it back together all the damn time. No one wants to do that, except for those with the necessary complexes and more power to them I suppose. What it boils down to is confidence shines through a person, they're not going to notice if your nose is a bit big (I feel mine is) or if your ears stick out a bit more than they should, (again, mine do) or any number of silly focuses you may have. No they're going to notice that you laugh easily, that you hold yourself like you're the king/queen of your domain, that you don't mind letting loose and being yourself.

We all have our moments, hell, this past fall I became violently ill and almost died. Afterwards in the recovery process I was blatantly yellow skinned from the liver damage, anemic and thus losing hair like crazy (it's still thin compared to what it once was) and I had lost 25 pounds in less than 2 weeks. Plus I hadn't really shaved from being so weak from muscle damage. So I was Simpson's yellow, hair thinned out like mad and I looked so scrawny and unhealthy. I admit, I did not feel good about myself, not at all. But I'll tell you this, months later with my weight and color back (and the right hair style that doesn't show off my scalp from being so thin) I feel good. I was able to confidently share pictures of myself and think, "hot damn I look good, as I always do."

It's not arrogant, because really, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and your appearance is one of those things you should not trust yourself to be fair about. You are your worst critic and always will be. So instead look in the mirror, wear the hair style that looks the best, wear just a little make up if that's your thing (seriously, we can tell when you cake it on and you look like a mime) always shower, shave and look your best. Dance in front of mirror and always realize you're beautiful, you're amazing and fuck what anyone who says otherwise.

As Ru Paul says, if you can't love yourself, how the hell are you going to love someone else?

[Candachi]

What an insightful post! I have always believed that self confidence comes within no matter what your outward appearance may be.

[Isobel]

These all interact with your appearance, I would say.  Self-image isn't just about the physical, it's how you think others see you generally; like confidence it has to be constantly reinforced and people who have a good self-image make sure that happens.  It's no accident that the most confident women tend to be leaner.  Lots of things all come together to signal other people what your status is, and if people don't support it, you'll have to change it.  It does depend on the values the people around you have, of course.   But looks are generally part of it , albeit just one part among many.