Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View

[Remiel]

I understand that feeling, Craz.  If you can, I recommend making the time to spend some time with friends, even just a few hours.  It's amazing how connecting with people you like can give you a much-needed boost.

[Ariel]

*leaves this for everyone, as everyone is beautiful in their own special way*

This is perfect. I love this image.

* Uprising is feeling blue today, and hugs everyone tightly.

[Formless]

I hate to sound like the worst person in the world but ...

Everything people suggests here is great and wonderful. Definitely will help many cheer up.

But sometimes Depression is just the symptom of the reality a person lives in.

I've always said it. It is easy to show compassion with a word or with a gesture. But when you're not living it. nothing will help.

I may sound dark ... pessimistic or ... whatever word you can think of.

But Depression isn't something I'm bothered with right now because it already had its stigma in my mind. Whatever people have to say about it is just the appropriate word said in the appropriate time during an appropriate occasion.

Because That's it. A word. Stemmed from compassion of someone who may understand your pain but cannot relieve it. At first such words chills your heart. But soon you realize that's all they can be. Words. You look the other way and Depression is merely shrugging at you saying " So? that's what they said everytime ." Like he's taken immunity to it.

I wish I be as optimistic and cheerful as you are , But no.

I'm fine the way I am. I already understood that a person himself must cope with Depression. especially when it's existent in his every day routine.

[Silver]

You don't sound like a horrible person, just a person who has his own point of view due to things that you've witnessed and my have experienced personally.

[Athos]

Feeling kind of lonely tonight (maybe a little drunk too). :(

[Night Stalker]

Happy Easter to all.

[MrCrowley]

Evening guys. I just discovered this thread, and I'm glad I found it.

I don't like to share this with many people, but since no one here knows me IRL, maybe it'll be good to take this off my chest:

I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I was in deep depression three years ago, went to a psychiatrist and discovered it. Since I was a kid I felt like there was something wrong with me; bouts of anger followed by episodes of depression without reason have haunted me since ever.

It all started when my first girlfriend broke up with me. I was still imature, and the reasons for it left me very confused. I did bad things to myself - cutting, drinking, smoking - trying to ease my pain, without sucess. Depression got me pretty bad - in some weeks I couldn't even leave my apartment.

I'm not proud of what I did, but I was reluctant to consult with a Doctor before beating a guy who insulted me in a grocery store pretty bad - maybe because it would worry my parents(both Doctors) and friends. They still don't knwo anything about it, it's my most precious secret.

I had to start taking meds and attending to therapy sessions. It was... hard. Opening yourself like a book to some stranger it's a weird experience. But I did and still do. To prevent me for doing anything to anyone - including myself. I got better, start to date again and BAM... new girlfriend.

This relationship was more serious; she practically lived with me - at that time I lived alone in an apartment. And as she had come, she left. Her reasons hurt me very much, though. She said with all the words she couldn't tolerate being with me - that I was cold, bitter, selfish, had a lot of manias and wasn't her "prince in shiny armor". I retired to my solitary shell, then. I thought I was getting better - I was certain! But then my world started to crumble again, not because of her, but because I've lost all my self-confidence again. I couldn't eat, work, study... All I did was sleep. There were times I couldn't even rise from bed - the depression nightmare all again.

I don't know how I overcame all of that. I just gave up from trying to control my feelings and threw them away. I became workaholic, obsessed with every article, every exam, every book. I'm still like that today.

I'm not sad, but I'm not happy either. I don't have dreams, aspirations of any kind anymore. I feel like I'm in a waking coma; I can't enjoy anything. When I try to cry, the tears don't come out. The anger, though, continues - no one that knows me well enough wants to stay close to me when I'm furious.

I wish I could be normal and happy, even though I try to achieve happiness in my own way. But I still haven't found even a clue of what I'm looking for.

[Silver]

*just gives MrCrowley a huge hug*

[MrCrowley]

*just gives MrCrowley a huge hug*

*Returns the hug*

Thanks. It's... difficult to put what you feel into words, especially when your feelings are rebels trying to stage a coup d'état.

[Modern Fairy Tale]

As a long time depressent, I have to remind all of one thing.  We see the world through a smokey lens.  This lens lets in all we see... and certain things... perhaps a low level of dopamine... or being a bit too sensitive and having a rough childhood... or maybe just experiencing death or trauma at too early an age... can smudge up or crack your lens.  Remember, no matter what you might see... its never as terrible as all of that.  If you think about it... you can 'readjust' your inner lens and see the truth of this.

Remember to love your life... and the life of others.  We are the artists and heroes of our lives.  And we live very long and epic lives... and like the most interesting stories they have trials and pains and truely heady moments.  We paint in all kinds of emotions and colors.  Like Picasso, we all go through a 'blue stage'.  Maybe sometimes we will paint with only black... or even red.  Remember though, that at any moment, we should look back at the whole of the length of our lives... we will see the masterpiece which is each persons life.  We can see the interweaving of our lives with others and how each of the colors we live through form a wonderful and varied tapestry truely worthy of the artist and hero we each portray in our own story.

I know, this sounds so corny.  Perhaps it is.  But to me, just a slight change in perspective, to me the equivalent of reaching up and flipping that tiny lever under the rearview mirror which cuts away the blinding glare.  Thats all you need... just two degrees or so of angle change and everything different.  I suffer beside all of you and feel the weight of depression as much as anyone else.  Just every day, try and change the angle of your own lens that two degrees... that tiny angle which takes away the brunt of the glare off reality... I pomise things get a lot more bearable.

How does one change that angle?  I suggest returning to the source.  Meditation.  Do something you did as a child and lose yourself in it for fifteen or thirty minutes.  If you are a believer in God, take that time to have a conversation with him.  If you dont believe in God, take this time to visualize what it is you want and send this immage into the universe.  Even in the harshest light of science, it is believed actualized will can conjure forth itself from the quantum foam.  Daydream.  Cry.  Express your most extreme emotions and deal with them in the solace of your room.  Talk about them with a friend or a lover whom you trust.  You see the comonality... make a connection with something or someone beyond you.

I am over forty years old and I still have much to learn about not just surviving but thriving while in depression.  Its about our will and our thoughts, win the battle there and the physical side of things gets a whole lot easier.  The one thing we rarely seem to know about ourself and each other is that we are a lot stronger then we think we are.  A person is actually three times stronger than they seem to be.  When things hurt we pull back.  If you accept the pain, there is a lot more strength you can call upon.  This is how those one hundred and twenty five pound men bend wrenches with thier bare hands.  Well, that and leverage.  And cheap ass tools.

Anyway, Ill sign off.  Hope this helps someone.  Thanks again for being part of this thread.  It means a lot to me.

[Silver]

*drops off thoughts for today, that make sense to her at least*

[Silver]

*drops a little something off*

[thebobmaster]

I'm glad I stumbled across this corner of E. It gives me a chance to share feelings, let them out.

I've been suffering from depression for a while. It wasn't diagnosed properly until last year, and I never was suicidal until I found myself in boot camp 2 and a half years ago. However, my grandma says she has seen signs for a while, and urged my mother to get help for me, which was done, and did help for a while.

I don't want to dwell too much on myself, other than to say I am getting somewhat better, but needing new medication (my previous physician prescribed me something he shouldn't have, and I'm waiting for a list of doctors covered by my mom's new insurance plan, since I'm still on her insurance). Instead, I want to talk about something that has happened in the past, but really came to be clear in boot camp: depression deniers.

I'm not talking about people who think depression isn't serious. I'm talking about people who said I don't have depression. They said I'm not depressed, because I was always laughing and joking, and they never noticed anything off about me. What they didn't realize, and what I've noticed many others don't, is that depressed people aren't the way they are on TV, walking around all the time with their head hung low, crying at the drop of a hat. We become pretty good actors. We smile, put on an act, song and dance number, and then cry to ourselves, in private. In my time at boot camp (I spent 63 days in rotation waiting to get to boot camp, then 5 weeks before I chaptered out), I wrote two suicide notes, and seriously contemplated suicide one other time. But no one ever knew, because I always put on a good face.

[Silver]

[WhiteShadow]

How many more times i must to tell , that you must to take your minerals and vitamins on a regular basis...All of you, not just those
condemned to stay around PG-13 topics... 

[Oniya]

Dietary imbalances make up a vanishingly small percentage of depression cases.

[Athos]

I know it's passed the 16th, but I like the idea so I'm going to do it anyway.

[Guyver0335]

Hey all I just noticed this thread tonight after getting diagnosed with depression earlier today. Guess I felt like I belonged here.

[Silver]

*drops off a little something that might make us all think for a moment*

[Imogen]

some days dealing with depression is just going from one day to another. And when that doesnt work, from one hour to the next. It shall pass. It always does. I know that now, and in knowing this I find strength.

This was true for me in 2012. It is true for me today.

This too shall pass.

Maybe not today.

Maybe not tomorrow.

But it will.

[Aislinn]

I too struggle with the daily issues associated with depression. I won't go into the whole story because it's like many others.

One thing I have discovered is the power of having a 'soundtrack of life'. It is a coping mechanism I learned in counseling many years ago that help people that have a deep connection to music. Essentially, it's a compilation of songs that you feel are associated with your life. Songs from when you've been happy....sad....and everything in-between. We all have those songs that play on the radio and think..."Wow...this is my life..."

I'll share one with you guys....this one is very personal for me.  A few years ago, I was training in freestyle reining with my horse and I needed a song to go with the routine we were creating. I chose 'Unstoppable' by Rascal Flatts...but not the regular version. They created a special version for the 2010 Winter Olympics that has a few different lyrics. I grew up doing gymnastics and dancing and I was always adamant about choosing music that was important to me for routines...and this was no different.

After after 6 months of training for a certain regional competition, we went and even though I was unranked and unknown, I ending up finishing 2nd with that song. I firmly believe had I had any other music, I wouldn't have pushed myself to do as well as we did.

If you are unfamiliar with the song, here is the link....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1xF1L8ZS7s

[HannibalBarca]

Congratulations, Aislinn!  That is a victory worth cheering.

Like so many others, I've dealt with depression, although now, at 44, I was finally diagnosed with severe clinical depression in October, and my psychiatrist and I finally found the right medications in January--and then February, I joined E!

I wish I could accurately describe how I feel now.  The closest I can come is imagining a dark mist clinging to every corner of my inner mind--from as far back as I can remember until the moment those meds began to work.  Feelings I'd had my whole life--that something was wrong with me; that I didn't 'get it' like everyone else did, and many more--simply disappeared.  I don't know if anyone else has had this sort of experience with anti-depressants, but suffice it to say that I was ecstatic.

But soon enough, I realized how much the meds couldn't do.  I still had lifelong habits to break.  I still had damaged relationships to repair--or sever to avoid further damage.  Controlling my depression (not removing it--it can never be removed) is only the first step in a new direction for me.

I wish all of my brothers and sisters in arms here the most profound changes in their lives that relieve them of the second-by-second agony that depression can be.  I've lived it, and for a very long time.  That it took me so long to realize it (ME realizing it, not family or friends) is a testament to how we can be so completely wrapped within what we know, that we never see what things are truly like.  If you have never sought help for your depression, please do so.  Remember, you can always make more money, but you can never make more time.  Live your life the way you want to live it.

[Blythe]

Just wanted to say that I've been trying to read through the entirety of this blog. I'll be taking the time to catch up with it in its entirety, because I think that these are things I've needed to read for a long time.

I don't have depression...but my sister has had clinical depression (diagnosed officially, and for quite a few years), and a history of suicide attempts. I started reading this as a way to try to understand what she was going through while she's gone to an institution (she chose to check herself in), maybe figure out how to help better and how to be more supportive. I've been at a loss how to talk to her for a very long time; I haven't had the words to say. But after reading this, I realized that it's not about what I say. It's about letting her talk while I listen, even if she needs to talk about things that I can't understand or find very frightening.

So what I wanted to say to all of you who have depression is this, after reading a large portion of this blog:

I think all of you are brave and strong people. Dealing with the terrible burden that you do, you still are here and going strong...and I respect and admire your tenacity in the face of your inner darkness. You may bear the emotional or physical scars, but that will never erase your handsomeness or beauty, at least not in my eyes.

I hope that no one minds about my post here. I likely will not post again, so that I am not taking up space for those of you who do struggle with this and need the place to talk about it, but I wanted to say that reading this blog is helping me...just perhaps in a very different way than the original poster intended.

[Silver]

*drops something off*

[Adammair]

I got to thinking, yesterday at work, after a particularly stressful shift, about my own depression. More specifically, I was thinking about how long I've been depressed, and it occurs to me that I have likely been depressed my entire life. I don't have any fond memories of my childhood, as I assume most "normal" people would, so that leads me to believe that for as far back as I can remember, I've been depressed. It took a lot for me to get where I am today, and the long struggle with depressive feelings and actions has not helped matters. However, I did not give up, as much as I might have wanted to at times, even to the point of wanting to give up completely (read: suicide attempt).
I have never felt like I fit in anywhere, and I still don't feel like I fit in. I have few friends and even fewer close friends, but those friends I do have, I cherish.
To sum up, I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that there is always hope, even in our darkest times.

So, to all those who have been touched in any way by depression, I say this: Don't ever give up. Things will eventually get better. Hold onto hope, and let that hope support you through whatever troubles you are facing.

That's my little bit of advice for anyone who's not feeling their best, due to depression. I pray it helps someone when they most need it. Thank you.