Coming Back To Life

[wolventears]

May 19th of this year, I was at an intersection at a red light on my way to a home to get a cake to go to a birthday party. My foot fell off the gas and I came out into the intersection. I got t-boned by a big dodge deisal doing 70 mph. It crushed the front end of my Toyota Camry. The class of the drivers side window shattered, cutting open my face and splitting open my eyelid. My seat was pushed all the way to the passenger seat, through the center console and blood was everywhere. I hit the side pf the car hard and it managed to not roll, going through the street and down an embankment.

My four year old brother was with me at the time, buckled up in his car seat in the middle of the backseat. The backseat wasn't hit at all. The only thing that happened to him was bruising on his chest due to his seatbelt keeping him secure.

When the ambulance showed twenty minutes later, they took their sweet ass time getting to the car because no one could have survived that. People who had pulled over had heard my little brother screaming for me and broke the window to pull him out of the car, keeping him out of the way.

The emts had to jaws of life me out of the vehicle which room another 20 minutes. When they finally reached me, I had a heart beat and so they began to resuscitate me to help me breathe.

I went to UMC trauma ward after they got me free from the vehicle. My brother tried to tell them my name which is Alethia and he said as much but because it's such an odd name they thought he was saying it wrong. So I was marked as Grace Doe at the hospital.

Instead of calling my husband to let him know what had happened, they called my grandparents who then called my mother. She called my husband, asking if he was on the way to the hospital but he didn't know what had happened. So he rushed off to the hospital. They had to identify me because they didn't have my name.

At the hospital, my mom and husband stayed with me day and night. My husbands work gave him two seems off so he could stay with me. The after that was up, he went to work but came after to stay the afternoon. And night while my mom stayed during the day.

The urologist told my husband to pull the plug because my brain injury was so bad and brain injuries don't heal. They took ct scans of my head everyday to keep check on it and then my brain started healing itself which is supposedly impossible.

While it was trying to heal, I would have neuro storms where my body would tense up real bad. Due to the posturing, my muscles locked giving me drop foot. Which is where my feet were completely flat on the bed. You could see my knee, then the top of my foot and it didn't look like I had heels.
Because he doctors didn't see me surviving, I only received physical therapy once a week for about half an hour where they would come on and move my arms and legs. But not nearly enough.

Because of the dropfoot, they put special boots on my feet to return them back to normal but since the nurses had no direction on them they left them on for twelve hours. Do to my drop foot and posturing, the ball of my foot was pressing so hard into the boot that I received pressure ulcers because of it.

My mom took my little brother to the doctor afterwards and he was perfectly fine aside from the slight bruising. But he felt it was his fault because he couldn't help me. No four year old should feel that way.

After two months of my husband wishing horribly bad that I'd wake up, I finally did. His worst fear being that I wouldn't know who he was. At the time, I had a trach in my throat, helping me breathe so I couldn't speak.

They gave me a speaking plug and for a week I wouldn't speak to him. I spoke to the nurses and my mom so he thought I didn't know who he was. But then I started speaking to him and he was so happy.

I was able to remember people but the last year is  like gone from my memory. We moved and went on vacation and I don't remember it. Small things are coming back and what I do remember I remember being in the other house before the one were in now but that's just my brain putting things into memories to make them whole.

After actually waking up, I didn't really wake up until I was in the next hospital. Then I could remember what happened the day before and who had came for a visit. I was starting to get physical therapy which was tough and hurt but I was still bed bound.

After a month of that or like half two weeks of truly being awake, I was moved to a rehabilitation facility and hospital. I did physical therapy everyday, two hours a day.

Because of the posturing, my hands were in constant fists almost. Stuck that way because the muscles were so tight. But thanks to stretching, even though it hurt to all hell, my right hand went back to normal. My left, being the impact side was still fingers curled but not as bad as before.

I was able to move my legs which meant I wasn't paralyzed just couldn't walk because of the foot drop. And we did a lot of sitting leg excersizes to stretch and regain my muscles. They even had me stand between the parallel bars which I had to have one person pick me up to my feet while someone else pushed my butt forward because I had no balance and was slightly unable to pull my hips forward. I was also on my tip toes due to the foot drop which hurt immensely. And with the way my musclea had shrank and moved, my thigh muscle had moved under my kneecap causing me tremendous pain which was what made bending and stretching my leg painful, but I breathed through it and am able to bed my knees so much farther then I was able. Still can't touch my butt with my heel but we're working on it.

Two weeks after getting to the rehabilitation facility a case manage from my insurance came to me to inform me that they only pay for fourteen days do I had to leave the next day. She told me that I could go to a nursing home where I would reveive rahab once a week for a little more than half an hour.

She asked where I would like to go and I said home. She was like im who would take care of you? You can't walk. I said that I'd like to go home when I was able to so I needed to stay there. But she said I couldn't so I started to cry. Why the hell was she talking to me? With the brain injury? I told her to call my husband and she asked for his number but I didn't remember it.

My mom came in after she left to me crying and I told her what happened. She was pisses to say the least. She went off to find her and to yell at her for coming to me of all people.

I managed to get another week and and when she came back to talk to my physical therapists about my progress and getting another week she said it was a good chance I'd get it. But I did not.

The day I was to leave, my doctor didn't even know I was leaving. Nor did my therapists, even though the case manager had supposedly told them I was.

That day, on September 5th, I went home. I was unable to really care for myself so my husband called work and even though he had no more paid time off he told them that he needed to stay home to care for me. His GM gave him the time paid, because he'd ask about me and my progress and because my husband is such a hard worker.

We were given a list of physical therapists that took my insurance, so we called and made an appointment. I needed physical for my legs and feet and occupational for my left hand. Although, when I got home, I slept with my fingers entwined to stretch them out. It worked really well, and I had to sleep on my back because I still had my feeding tube in because the last hospital I was at couldn't take ot out. So, I had it for two weeks until it was pulled out. And it was literally pulled out. The end had been pulled free from my stomach when I had been moved in the hospital so it was just chilling in between the tissue. The dr even said yeah that's not in your stomach. Swell. Take it out then, please.

After that, I started therapy. My therapist were brutal and harsh but I need that. My physical therapist gave me a walker and told me to walk. Because my husband was helping me stand at home often, I had more balance and was able to walk, even on my tip toes.

The occupational therapist helped with my hand and shoulder which I had limited motion in because I had broken my left collar bone also. Since I was posturing so bad, it would click and snap during the healing process so loud people could hear it, it healed awkward. Like one side on top of the other slightly.

But with their help, I'm actually able to lift my arm straight up and reach behind my head to put my hair up. I no longer need occupational therapy, being comfortable with the strength and use of my hand, so, last week I was discharged from that.

I had went to a podiatrist to see if he could help with my feet and he said the only fix is surgery. Meaning they'd have to cut open my leg and cut the muscle from my bone. Then screw metal rods into my bones and I'd have to wear a halo cast which is unweight bearing. How would I get to the bathroom?

We said we wanted another opinion but glad we have options. But if I can do anything else, I don't want the surgery. I really don't.

The husband called a foot splint guy and he came out and measured me for splints. He said unless I have bone issues as well, which according to my Xrays my bones are fine, the splints will work. My insurance doesn't cover them but they are giving us a payment plan because they're $300 a month to rent. I get my splints this week.

Being home has been good for me. I've learned how to use the bathroom on my own and I walk a lot with the walker. And I have balance. Only thing left is getting my feet back to normal. I get frustrated and because of the brain injury, it's super easy for me to get emotional but, one day at a time. I got this. And I'll keep you updated.

[Oreo]

I am speechless and inspired by your perseverance. I hope someday soon you are able to get around without such pain. *offers hugs*

[wolventears]

Had physical therapy today. I was able to ride the stationary bike and get my left knee bending without a log of pain. I think it was because I had woke up at 4 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep, so I pulled my legs as close as I could to my chest and stretched the hell out of my knees. Hurt like a mother but I held it and breathed through it. It tired me out so I could get back to sleep.

When I was walking between the parallel bars, my damn calf got a charley horse. Don't know whether to hate it or like it because it means my muscle is working again and regaining definition.

Walking wasn't horrible today buy damn, walking on my tiptoes sucks and hurts like hell after awhile. Because let's face it, no one except ballerinas walk on their tiptoes. And I've seen enough of Save The Last Dance to know that sucks.

I was also able to stand without using my hands on the arms of the chair. Putting my whole weight onto my feet. Which the therapist thought was awesome. Also managed to balance without holding on to anything.

Now, I'm home, making a cake so I can ice it to make sure I can get my hands to do it again. Because if I can do that basic, then I can intensely decorate like I had been doing before the accident.

I'll try to post pictures of it for you to see.

Other than all that, I'm in a great mood today. Hoping to get my splints by Friday. I'm so ready for them to help get my feet back to normal.

[Oreo]

That is an awesome update. I get charlie horses all the time, everywhere; arms, legs, back, hands. They can be quite painful. If I bend my arm the wrong way my hand curls up into a knotted chicken foot looking thing. It's the result of a neck injury way back in '97. I just need to remind myself...must not stand like Peter Pan. Fists on hips get me every time.

;D I would love to see the cake. I used to decorate in my younger years, but I wasn't very good at it.

[wolventears]

So I'd thought I'd bake a cake and decorate it to see how I'd do.

Kinda shotty but hey it's the first one since the accident and as I only had one can of cream cheese icing, had little to work with. But it will taste yummy. And since I'm not selling this one, it's going to get eaten by the husband and me. :)

[Oreo]

Hey, that is no little thing when you are struggling. Good go. I have trouble trying to stir cheese sauce. >.< We make do with what we can do.

[wolventears]

Had therapy today. Went very well minus the pain in my left knee. Gotta say, I'm really tired of the pain.

The splint guy for my feet called this morning. I pick them up tomorrow. Whoo!

My husband had been looking online at them and found a medical journal for them. A lady with worse contractors than me had them and they put her feet back to normal in two weeks. Two weeks!

Now if they work that fast for me, dude, I'll be walking in no time! We didn't schedule therapy for two weeks to give them a chance to do their thing then when I go back, my therapist will measure me to see. Fingers crossed people.

I gotta be totally positive with this. So, you know what, they will work. But your extra thoughts will help. That's what helped me when I was in a coma. If it wasn't for that and my mom and husband not giving up, I would have. Because I'm sure I would of felt it if they had. But they didn't, so I didn't. And here I am! Kicking ass and being a badass!

[Oniya]

I misread your post, and saw 'contractors' as 'those people who build things for other people' instead of 'muscles that are contracting.'  ;D>

Keep on kicking ass!

[wolventears]

No I think I may have spelled it wrong. Dumb phone. Was typing it up on my phone and it autocorrected.

[Oreo]

You'll be in my thoughts. I hope the splints do wonders. ;D *leaves hugs if needed*

[wolventears]

Alright! Got my splints today! Whoo! The guy was very confident that they will work. Which heightens my confidence. Because yea, I'll be walking in no time!

Don't hope for me because they will work! Only positive thoughts please. I got this! I'll be walking before you know it. Even if it's with a walker at first. But hey, I'll be out of the wheelchair. And that thing is damned uncomfortable. So all the more reason!

[Oniya]

Next stop, Boston Marathon?  :D 

*waves pompoms*

[wolventears]

A triathalon! I am determined to get my feet back to normal!

[Dez]

You are truly an inspiration, wolventears. Seriously.

Sending positive thoughts your way, too!

The cake looked delicious!

[Oreo]

I know you will do it!! ;D Your determination is limitless. *hugs*

[wolventears]

Been busy making pumpkin roll today. Nom Nom Nom. Thanksgiving is going to be so good. Ready for turkey and homemade stuffing. Giblet gravy. Drinking a little. Or since I don't have work on Friday, a lot. Haha.

Since I started using my splints yesterday, my feet are actually looking better. After one day! One day! So after awhile, I expect good things.

Just finished my pumpkin rolls and because of my brain injury, it doesn't seem that I remember how to go about making them. So one out of three turned out like shyte. The other two aren't horrible but just glad they're for family and I'm not selling them. Very frustrating.

But, just breathe I'm telling myself. It will get better. I will get better. It is taking it's sweet ass time though. Grr.

[wolventears]

So, today was a lazy day. I did wear my splints the regular times and already I am seeing progress. The toes on my left foot are back to where they should be rather than pointing down. And my heels on both feet are moving down. My right foot is so close. So damn close.

Today was quite cold though so the joint pains in my knees were pretty bad. Regardless of the pills I took. I think when I'm finally back to normal again, that joint pain will always be with me. Sucks but if that's the only thing that is wrong with me, I can't really complain.

Made some breakfast. Sausage gravy and biscuits. So yummy. Glad I can comfortably use my hands again. So happy, I even made some cheddar bacon beer bread and oh my Goddess. Amazingly delicious.

Other than all that, today was a good lazy day. Watching football and doing a while bunch of nothing else.

[wolventears]

So last night was my first real time going out without my husband. Went and saw the Doctor Who 50th anniversary which was utterly brilliant by the way.

Although did have some issues when first arriving. Two girls were sitting in handicap chairs and obviously weren't handicapped so my friend asked if they could move so we could sit there. They looked at me and gave me a dirty look. Shit. Like I put myself into this damn wheelchair on purpose?!

They got up, talking shit. Really? Common decency. Learn a little respect for fucks sake. Oh no. They had to move down a row. Goddess forbid.

Other than that, had a great time with great girls. Than met up with the husbands at the Chicago Brewing company down the way. Had some amazing beer and a damn good hot pastrami.

On a less geeky note, my splints are already helping my feet. Its amazing how fast they're working. Knock on wood. Have more to go but I'm on my way there!

[Oreo]

Glad to hear you were able to get out and have some good fun and good food!

*knocks on all my walls* (My entire house is cedar.) I want to see those straight feet without splints. ;D

[wolventears]

So Thanksgiving was really good and my family was so happy that I was able to be there. I'm using a walker more than my wheelchair now even though I'm on my tip toes but my full body weight is helping stretch my achilles.

I found out though that I have gained 30 pounds since being home. I know some of it is my muscle coming back and I have biceps that are intense from contiuessly picking myself up but I'm so not happy with my weight. Back to dieting!

After eating nothing but hospital food and being tube fed for months, I was really eating everything I could get my hands on but now, I need to get my self control back.

I also will start getting some cardio in and doing sit ups. It'll strengthen my core and legs which wouldn't hurt for when I start walking again. So a lot of chicken and salad again. Already took soda out of my diet so I'm off to a good start.

Yesterday, I was able to get the heel of my right foot on the ground while I stood so, the splints are working! Whoo! Not quite as much on the left which frustrates the hell out of me but it is the impact side so it will take longer. But it will get there.

I'm doing amazingly well so far and I just need to keep motivated and on track and before we know it, I'll be running around the block. Holding onto my boobs but running all the same. Haha.

[wolventears]

So got into the shower this morning with no help. Standing shower so didn't have to go over the side of a tub which helped. But I did it without even my husband in the room. Whoo! Now maybe I can shower when he's at work which would be awesome instead of waiting until 7 in the evening or waking up at 6 to shower.

Had a doctors appointment today. It just makes me so happy when the doctors say how good I look or when they are so happy I'm getting my strength back.

But I had to go to get a filled out form for my leave of absence because I kind of have to be able to walk and stand for my job. Which the splints are working wonders.

I'm able to push my right foot flat. Still just won't automatically go there but its an actual possibility now. My left foot has gone an inch but is still up there. But it is working. And it can be frustrating but it's doing what it needs to.

My husband made me cry last night. Since I've been awake from the coma, he now calls me pookie. He has never called me that before the accident and I asked him why all of a sudden.

He said when his grandfather got home from the Vietnam war, he called grandma pookie. And when he was being real sweet and loving to her, he'd call her that. It was a thing he started calling her because what if he hadn't been able to come home to her? That was what he had told my husband when he had asked why he called her that.

When I was in the coma, he had started calling me pookie and had forgotten where he had gotten it from. He said he had had a dream of his grandfather and the man had said now you understand why.

His grandfather was such a good man and to watch him die had broke my own heart. And just writing about this even now, I have tears in my eyes.

But, my husband didn't give up. And I'm here. In a wheelchair for the time being, but I'm here. I know for a fact if I didn't have him, I wouldnt have pulled through. I would have proved all those doctors right. But since I do and will for always, I'm here. So thankful for everything especially him. I've never felt so loved in my life.

[Null]

I am truly floored by your sheer will to move on with life. Being honest with myself, I probably would have given up had this happend to me. You are superhuman. Keep up the incredibly amazing recovery! * good luck hugs *

[persephone325]

Wow... Just, wow...

You're such an amazing woman. I can't imagine how traumatic something like that must have been. I've been in a car accident, but nowhere near as bad... I guess I got off lucky...

*hugs and wishing you all the best*

[wolventears]

A little update on my feet.

My right foot is so damn close. It's like a hair away from the floor. My left is taking more time but that is the impact side so a little more slow going. But it is down by at least an inch so yeah it's frustrating how slowly but I really can't complain.

[Oniya]

Love the shoes!

[Oreo]

Love the shoes!

I was thinking the same thing. They are perfect!! ;D

*leaves a bushel of hugs* Wonder Woman can do anything!

[AmberStarfire]

Hi,

I just read through your thread. You've been through so much, but I'm really inspired by your attitude (reclaiming yourself) and how much you've achieved. Stay with it and I'm sure you'll continue to get there.

Wishing you well.
~ Amber

[wolventears]

So went back to physical therapy today after 2 weeks to give the splints time to work. My therapist measured my ankles and my right has gone down 2 inches. Whoo! The left half an inch. Isn't much but its something. I know its gonna take a while but it's moving.

So thankful for that. I just really don't want the surgery if I can help it.

A friend of mine had had the surgery after her own accident. It wasn't as bad as mine but she went with the surgery. She now walks with a bad limp. As mine is worse, how will I walk after? If I limp worse than her, I'll be stuck using a walker or cane.

That really makes me emotional granted I'll be walking again but I want to be back to the way I had been. And after a talk with my husband today, I wonder if I'll even be able to be the same with this brain injury.

I go through so much neurological shit and a lot of the pain is just in my head. But I can't seem to turn it off. I try my hardest, but if I'm concentrating on one thing, I mess up others because my mind isn't focused on them. I need to relearn multitasking. I just feel like such a baby sometimes. It's so frustrating.

[wolventears]

Had an emotional breakdown about an hour before my husband got home.
I've been trying to get my doctor to fill out the leave of absence form for my work and I gave it to her last Tuesday. I was called on Monday and told she couldn't fill it out so I had to go to the medical records office.

I had them fax it to me but it was blank and then they sent a blank form to American Fidelity. Why? Then I can't get a hold of them to find out what the hell. The lady left a message so I'll get a call like two days from now.

I was also told that if I'm out any longer, I have no job. Well fuck.

So I cried my ass off and sat in a boiling tub for an hour. The husband came home and said not to think about that. Just worry about getting better. He's so proud of me and the progress I've made so far.

If it wasn't for him, I'd don't know where I'd be. I'm so glad he didn't give up and just pull the plug like the doctors told him too.
I love this man, forever and always. He's the reason I decided that this world wasn't done with me yet.

I'm still slightly emotional but I'm doing much better now. Just remember to not sweat the small stuff. I got bigger things to concentrate on. Like getting better and walking again.

[wolventears]

I've finally gotten to the point where these don't freak me out.

Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide

This is the car I was in. Surprisingly, I only suffered what I did.

This no longer makes me cry though. Just makes me realize that I really am wonder woman and the Goddess was really watching over me.

[Oreo]

I imagine it will bother you for a long time, but we go on anyway. I had my master brake cylinder fail over 40 years ago. We barely banged into the back of the other car, but to this day I get antsy when someone doesn't brake soon enough for my comfort.

[Null]

I am so glad that you are making some progress to overcome this injury. Know that I'm rooting for you ^_^

[RedPhoenix]

I really am wonder woman

You really, really, are. :)

[wolventears]

So, for the new year, there is only one thing that I want to happen. And I'm so close.

To walk again, it just blows my mind even thinking about it.

I went to physical therapy yesterday and my therapist measured my feet. I've gone down at least and inch on the left foot and almost two on the right. I was also dismissed from therapy. Discharged, if you will because at this point, the only thing left is my feet.

I've taken to using my walker, ditching the wheelchair whenever possible. The extra pressure from my weight stretches my muscles. It hurts sometimes but I push through it. I have things to get to and that's helping so I do it.

But my resolution for this year is to ten times my effort in getting better. I need to rehabilitate my whole body. The husband started talking about getting pregnant and as much as I would love to, I want to make sure my body is strong and capable of holding our child. I want to be able to walk my child while carrying them to their crib.

But you know what? I don't doubt myself in this. I will get there. No thinking. Just doing. No more frustration about things not being simple and easy anymore. I'll force myself to get over it and just do it. Get myself pass the pain, because I'm bigger than that. And once I've worked it out, it stops hurting anyways, I just have to get past the initial hurt.

So this year will be my year. Putting myself back together. I'll be shiny and new. Back to my old self but better.

[Oreo]

Your determination takes my breath away, wolventears. *many hugs* I know you will get there.

[IStateYourName]

Keep on keeping on.

And I hope you are keeping a journal (beyond this blog), Wolventears.  Yours is a story that ought to see more daylight. 

[ladia2287]

Wow! Your journey is incredible wolventears. I certainly hope your hard work pays off because this is a goal you definitely deserve to meet. My prayers are with you :)

[wolventears]

It's been a while since I last posted but I'd thought I'd give y'all an update.

Soo, I've been walking. Without a walker and I haven't touched my wheelchair in almost a month.

My right foot is flat still working on my left but walking is doable. I just really have to watch where I'm going and what I'm doing.

Pretty sure if I fall and hit my head again, that'll be bad if not the last thing I do. But thinking positively and doing all I can to be safe.

[wolventears]

Okay, so as I said last time, I'm walking now. Got myself a badass cane since it's still not quiet perfect, but I am so damn close. And ooh, I went to get my tattoo started yesterday.

I think it fits, don't you? I just got the outline yesterday and in two weeks I'll be going back for the color.
I am so glad I found an artist who can do this tattoo wonderfully. I mean, hell, just the outline alone is amazing. Can't wait for the color. It's going to be so damn awesome.

Bur back to my issue. I'm trying acupuncture today to see if it help with my feet. My right foot is flat, but like first thing in the morning, from not using it at night, it takes awhile till the soreness go away. And my left foot is so close.

The splints stopped working. I no longer feel the stretch in my muscle and my left foot hadn't moved for two weeks, so, I figured it was done doing what it could do. But, hell, it did get it down like 5 inches so it didn't work completely but it did something. Hopefully the acupuncture works for that. I'll let you know.

[Gypsy]

It's a beautiful tattoo, and color will make it even more amazing.

It's a wonderful tribute to the success of the battle you've been fighting.

[RedPhoenix]

That is badass I can't wait to see it all vibrant!!!

[AmberStarfire]

Likewise, I love your tattoo already, and I think it will look brilliant once you have the colour added.

[wolventears]

Okay so one it rains, it pours. Ugh. The husband just found out he is getting a heavy paycut and with me not working, it doesn't look good. So, all the more reason to get my shit together and get back to work.

But my damn let foot is like at a stand still. It hasn't gone down any farther in like the last 2 months. So, after reading up on some things, it is looking like I have sciatica now. The nerve that controls the muscles in my leg is pinched, making it impossible to do anything about it. I stretch every damn day, but to no avail. And now, when I am standing for a while, or doing anything where I have to bend, I get pain in my lower back.

So, I scheduled an appointment with an acupuncturist. He is the top recommended in Vegas. And believe it or not, the cheapest. But at this point, I'll pay anything if it works. I just want to be back to normal completely again.

And anything that prevents me from having to get my leg cut open is damn good to me. I mean, if I wanted the easy way out, having the tendon lengthening surgery would be it, but what if it completely tears? Then I'll be back in a wheelchair with no hope of ever walking again. Yeah, I really don't want that to happen.

So fingers crossed that the acupuncture works. Even if I have to go see him a couple times, or even like once every couple of months from here on out, it's better than getting cut into. I can deal with that. 

[wolventears]

So, went to an acupuncturist today. The guy was a nice little Asian man and he had a lot of goods things to say. He said it sounded like my nerves in my legs had just gone to sleep from being in the coma and they just need to be reawakened. So, he put in some needles, 4 on the top of my head, 4 on my ankles and 4 below my knees. Then he attached some wires and a machine sent an electronic pulse to my muscles. It wasn't painful in the least. And already I can bend my left knee more with very little pain and I already have more motion in my ankles. And after one visit.

He also told me that because of my condition, I would have to come see him like 3 times a week for a little over a month. And my insurance doesn't cover it so it will be pricey. But he gave me info on a nerve stimulator that I can buy and use at home, thus allowing me to do the therapy at home and cutting my time needing to go to him in half. Plus the machine was only $35 through overstock.com. I'd much definitely pay that once then $75 for every appointment.

So, here's to hoping this works, so not cutting into my leg for me. Whoo!

[Oreo]

That IS good news. I hope this gets the added relief you need. ;D

[Oniya]

But he gave me info on a nerve stimulator that I can buy and use at home, thus allowing me to do the therapy at home and cutting my time needing to go to him in half. Plus the machine was only $35 through overstock.com. I'd much definitely pay that once then $75 for every appointment.

So, here's to hoping this works, so not cutting into my leg for me. Whoo!

Would that be a TENS unit?  My ex-roommate used one of those for her neuropathy, and it sounds like a similar principle, only using adhesive pads (like on defibrillators, only much smaller in both size and power).  I've never heard of electric acupuncture before - only the simple needle insertion.

[wolventears]

Yes it is the tens unit. Got it for a good price and everything.  He's thinking it will work awesomely.

[wolventears]

So, haven't checked in for awhile,  but I wanted to let you know, I got my tens machine. I stick the pads, two below my ankles on top of my foot, and two under my knee. Then I connect the cords to them and when I turn it on, it sends electrical currents to my nerves. As I do this, I raise my toes up on each foot, one after the other, to mimic walking. Already, there is a difference in my left foot and I've only had it for a day less than a full week. Whoo! So, really hoping this gets me where I need to be because the surgery scares me.

Reading up on it with the husband, we found that it only cures the issue 50% of the time. I'm sorry, but I don't see being cut into and possibly having my ankle fused together to only have a 50/50 chance of making my damn foot flat, nor worth it. So fingers crossed. But hey, I've made it his far, so if I keep at it, it'll happen.

[wolventears]

Alright. So, an update. Since starting acupuncture 2 weeks ago, my left heel is only a little less than an inch from the ground. Whoo! The tens machine is working wonders. Plus I make sure to walk everywhere.

I've decide that I will start back to work for the new school year in August. I need to get this done so I can get back to my life. Sitting at home is starting to drive me crazy.

I'll make it happen. It will get done. I'm not Wonder Woman for nothing.

[wolventears]

So, I wanted to look into the day I "truly" woke up from the coma. So, I went to my husband's facebook page to read the updates he had posted so people would know of my progress.

I know the shit I went through was intense and he's told me, but reading those posts, and reading him say how much he love's me, I lost it. I just finally stopped crying.

And I haven't cried in awhile. But damn, ya know? It wasn't the things that was happening to me, but the way he spoke about me. It was just written but you can sense his love and the pain he was going through.

Dammit, and now I'm in tears again.

I wish so fucking bad that I can take it all back. It kills me that he had hurt so bad, that there was a possibility that if he lost me, he would of drank himself to death. Hell, when I was in the coma, he was putting down a handle of whiskey every two days at the most.

I know this wasn't my fault, but still you know? To know that the man you love with everything you possess hurt that much, it kills me. And I couldn't even tell him I'd be okay for two and a half months! And that's all he wanted. Was to hear my voice again.

But, I'm fine now and getting better everyday. And I will do my damned hardest to never put him through this again.

[AmberStarfire]

It's sad that he had to go through so much, but it's lovely to read how much you don't want him to hurt that way again. It shows the love you have for each other. Despite what you've both experienced, there's beauty to find there too.

I'm glad you're both feeling much better. Try not to let the past drag you down, but it is eye opening.

[wolventears]

So, yesterday was the year mark of the accident. My mom took the day off to take me to the hospitals to see the doctors and nurses who had taken care of me.

They were amazed by just how good I looked and that I had walked into the hospital. Some had even taken pictures with me.

But it sucked too, because the people who I actually remember and who had really helped me, were no longer working there. But off to bigger and better things.

Also, the doctor who told my husband to give up on me and just pull the plug wasn't there either. Too bad, I really wanted to karate kick him in the dick. Bastard. I was supposedly brain dead and the brain doesn't heal. I'm supposed to still be in a hospital bed, in a vegetative state. Or if I managed to come out of the coma, my mom and husband would be reteaching me everything, like my ABC's and 123's.

Well, I proved them wrong. And to boot, I'm going back to work for the new school year in August. Will just need a little refresher but I'll be back at it with no problem. Because I'm a badass and beat the odds.  XD

[Gypsy]

Congratulations.  I'm very happy to hear that things are going well for you.

Doctors know a lot, but they don't know everything ... and there's no way to measure the human spirit and the will to live.  You proved them wrong, and that's the best triumph of all.  Enjoy - live well, and be happy, and savor all the wonderful moments to the fullest.

[Kevben Battleheart]

This pretty much sums up what I have to say.

[wolventears]

So spent May 27th through June 1st in Miami. It was my first trip since the accident. Flew there and everything.

I'm not used to the walking yet and there was a shit load. And I tried to suck it up and push through but it made my ankle swell. My acupuncturist said I was pushing myself to hard and needed to stop being so stubborn, so, after that first day, I made myself relax every so often.

My ankle didn't swell anymore. Go figure.

I had went there for a friends wedding which was a damn good thing I got out of the wheelchair because the venue was totally not wheelchair accessable. And I would have cried if I hadn't been able to go. But, the wedding was a good reason to get with it and out of the damn thing.

And to boot, I danced on the dance floor. My husband made it a point to take me out and dance, so I could feel like nothing was wrong and I didn't have any issues. Makes me love the man even more.

The plain ride back was a bitch though. Sitting in one place for five hours straight, sucked. It made my sciatic nerve act up. I'm pretty sure it got pinched in the accident and it's better if I'm moving. But what's one more thing? Ugh.

But I can keep my head up because I'm wonder woman. I got this. I'll get passed this. I mean hell, I survived being hit by a big ass diesel truck and survived when everyone said I shouldn't.

So, this is nothing. Just a hurdle I need to get over. I'm still going strong!

[wolventears]

So, doing a little checking in. I told my acupuncturist about my sciatic nerve acting up and he began a treatment for that as well as my left ankle and foot. Even gave me a way to use my tens at home for it. It is really making a difference. Granted I don't do as much standing as I did down in Miami, but I can stand longer than fifteen minutes before the pressure starts getting to me and the aching begins.

AND!!! I have a doctor's appointment next Tuesday to get cleared to go back to work. Whoo!

The husband is also looking into a transfer. We are hoping out of state. I mean, I grew up in Vegas and all, and it's the only town I've ever known but I want to live somewhere with weather and green things. This heat and being in a desert, I am completely done with.

So, I'm taking the accident as a sign that we need to start fresh. I managed to not die, so I'm getting another chance at life and why not start a new one? And this way, in about a year or two, we can start having babies, and I may have grown up here, but this isn't a town for children.

So, wish me luck and keep your fingers crossed guys.

[wolventears]

Just wanted to share the necklace my aunt got me as a late birthday present. It has mine and my husbands initials and birthstones along with a charm for my love of hockey and even a paw print for my wolves. It also has the tags that say inspire and warrior on it. I cried when she gave me this. It really takes the thought I have about being useless because I can't do certain things that I used to away. I still have a bit of my journey to go but I have to remember that what I have accomplished so far is fucking awesome.

And don't mind the cleavage. ;D I had just put the necklace on and didn't feel like taking it off. lol

[wolventears]

I get to go back to work! Whoo! No more sitting at home. Thank the gods. Can't wait. I'm going in today to end my leave of absence and the process started. I'll be like a new employee because of my absence. But I'll still have my position thankfully.

[Dovel]

That is wonderful to hear my friend! Congratulations!

[Ariel]

You're doing great, wolven. I'm so happy to see that you're a survivor. You're a strong, beautiful woman. :-)

Also, god bless your husband and parents for their strength and support.

I hope you continue to make an ass-kicking comeback!

[wolventears]

Eeeep!!! Got the call from the school district today that my background check went through and it showed that I didn't get into any bad thing while in my coma.  :D

I go to orientation next Friday! Whoo! Although, since I lost my kitchen do to being out for so long, I will be floating and they have me starting at a middle school which is weird because I'm not sure how that will work because I am an elementary school kitchen manager. But, I'm going back to work! Aaaw yeeaahh!!!

[Oniya]

Middle schoolers are still much like elementary schoolers, only a little bigger.  Sometimes with a little more attitude, depending on your district.

At least, that's been my experience over the past couple of years.

[wolventears]

Yeah, I just haven't ever worked in a middle school before and the kitchens are completely different, so I hope they aren't expecting me to just start running the place because I have no idea how. But, if I'm there to train, that will be great. Means I can move up and working at a middle school is a $2 raise.  :D

[wolventears]

So, got me a new car as of yesterday. Whoo! First car since my Camry died. But she's safe. Totally worth it. Isn't she a beaut? Glad driving doesn't scare me.

[wolventears]

So, this last Friday consisted of me going to orientation to once again become part of the school district. I start back to work with the new school year on August 21st. Hot damn! Cannot wait!

My walking is still a wee bit off, but, it's a lot better than it had been a month ago. My left heel is so damn close to the ground, even when I'm barefoot, it's like half an inch away. So damn close.

And I noticed that today, I manage to somewhat strike my heel first when I take a step with my left foot. Not as normal as a regular step or like my right foot, but it is so damn close. Just gotta keep pushing it and it will get there. I am determined to win this. I'm already like 95% there, just have to get that 5% and I'm done with this shit. It can't happen fast enough.

[Oniya]

To have made it through all this with only that half inch to go is still amazing.  Although I'm sure that spending the day working the cafeteria line will give you ample opportunity to close that gap!

[wolventears]

Alright, I officially go back to work on August 13th for training before the school year starts. Whoo! Just hoping I can wear shoes by then.

I kind of broke the pinky toe on my right foot last Wednesday. It is getting better, but fuck. It hurts like a bitch. But, hell, if a big ass diesal truck can't kill me, what's a broken toe, right?

I've been getting a massage every Saturday at the local pain clinic so it's medical and she is working the muscles in my legs, my left leg especially. Hopefully it can get my foot down the half an inch to be flat. My chiropractor is trying to realign my hips to make my walking smoother.

My acupuncturist is working on my sciatica and since he's started on that, it has gotten way better.

So, I am doing pretty good for a girl who is supposed to be in a vegetative state in a hospital bed. Life is pretty damn good right now.  XD

[RedPhoenix]

It's so inspiring to read this and wonderful to know you are still doing so good. Stay strong, wonder woman! :D *hugs*

[Beguile's Mistress]

For some bizarre reason I just no caught this thread.  Reading it threw me back about seven or eight years but there are more good memories than bad.  I truly admire your courage and fortitude and all the work you've put in getting back to where you belong.  There is no easy way to do what you have done by any stretch of the imagination and you are amazing.  Good luck with starting back to work.  You rock!

[wolventears]

Alright, so, yesterday, I started beginning of the school year training! Whoo! I drove my beamer, such a pretty girl, and luckily it was at a school fifteen minutes away. A nice high school and it was awesome to be back to it.

And I am guessing my supervisor had sent out an email to let everyone know that I was in a horrible car accident that put me out of commission because like twenty people came up to give me hugs and say welcome back. It was nice to know that people thought about me and sent good vibes my way.

And apparently in my year absence, a lot has changed. I lost my kitchen, so, I'm a floater now, hoping from location to location, but, at least I still have my title and position. It will just be all over the place for the time being, at least until I can get back into the hang of things. Which, seems that quite a bit has changed so I'll pretty much be learning everything again. But, it is what it is. I'm just glad to be going back.

I also have a new supervisor apparently. Nice lady. I've worked with her before and my region supervisor is the man who said I should come over to his when he was a region supervisor for another region. Well, you got me now.  :D

I go to a new school, for me anyways, next Wednesday. I'll be working with a new manager, so we'll be teaching each other. It will be interesting for sure.

So, wish me luck. I am so super stoked to be going back to work. Hot damn! Whoo! I have definitely come a long way from nearly dying. I'm not Wonder Woman for nothing. And since I'm back to the daily grind, I will be having my Wonder Woman tattoo colored, I'm thinking by November at the latest. I will be sure to post pictures for you guys.

[wolventears]

Had my official first day back to work today after a year and 3 months. No kids yet, they start school next week, but I was on my feet for most of the day. And damn, my feet are not used to that anymore. When I took my shoes off, it was like an instant feeling of relief. Sat my ass down and I haven't gotten up from my couch since I got home at 2.

But it did feel great to be at work again. Although, in my year absence and since my brain injury and coma did cause me to lose a year of memory, I have a lot of "new" stuff to learn. Like the programs changed, some of the procedures. Most are new to this year, but some were brought in when I was still working that last year and I have no fucking clue.

But, I'm thinking after like two days, a week at the most of doing this, I'll be like, oh yeah, that's how you do it.

So, here's to a great school year.

And, this Saturday is my 26th birthday, so here's to another year of being alive! Whoo! Proving those doctors wrong every day! :p

[Oreo]

I'm so proud of your achievement, wolventears. Step by step you are reclaiming your life. Such an inspiration. ;D

[wolventears]

Okay first day of school and first day with the kiddies. But my feet hurt something fierce. They aren't used to holding my fat ass up anymore. And my pinched sciatic nerve, oi.

But other than the little things, I was able to do my job successfully. And back to it tomorrow.

[Oreo]

Hopefully the pain will lessen one day at a time. *hugs* At least I am hoping it is so.

[TalonWench]

You're incredible, Wonder Woman! Can't wait to see that gorgeous tattoo when it's all done.

Do you have special shoes to be supportive when you're on your feet?  My Dad sells safety shoes for people who work on their feet.  They're non-slip and super supportive.  Maybe there's something like that in your area?

[BlackNight897]

Wonder Woman you truly are, Wolven.  If ever there was a story behind the ink. Such an inspirational story! 

[Beguile's Mistress]

The most comfortable footwear I ever owned was a pair of slippers with memory foam insoles.  They were heaven.  Now I have memory foam to put in all my shoes.

[wolventears]

Okay, so first week of school is over. I get off at 1 didn't leave till 5. Oi.

But it's over and next week should run smoother. Ooh and its a four day weekend!!! I love that I'm back to work, but I really need this four days to recoup.

So, got a bachelorette party tomorrow and other than that it's a whole bunch of sitting on my ass. Aaah yeeeaaahh!!!

[Beguile's Mistress]

*envies the butt*  You're smart to take it easy in your free time.  Continued good wishes to you.

[Oreo]

Time for some toe wiggling without shoes. ;D Have a relaxing weekend Wonder Woman!!

[wolventears]

So I was reading back on this and just want to say thank you to all those who have given me such positive responses. It's good yo know that my journey in this has touched so many people and I'd like to prove that if coming back whole and healthy from the edges is possible, anything is.

So thanks again everyone. Your happy posts have helped push me and want me to push harder so I can tell you of more badassery. If that's not a word, I just made it so and if it is, I owe the creator a hell yeah high five!

[wolventears]

Alright, so it's September 15. It's been a year and ten days since I've been home from the hospital. If you ask my original doctors, I should still be in a hospital bed in my coma.

BUT, I am at home.
Awake.
No sign of my brain injury.
Walking.
Driving a 2014 BMW. Thanks, baby.
And, working full time.

Boom.

So, all I have to say to those doctors who told my husband and mother to just give up on me, shove it up your ass!  XD

I am ecstatic to be alive. And, to boot, I saw the podiatrist last Monday. The same podiatrist who said the only way I'd be able to walk again is if I did the tendon lengthening surgery. Psht.

Well, I drove myself to the doctor, walked in there, in my work uniform that states that I am an employee for the school district. He came into the room just in awe. He moved my feet and said that my feet looked phenomenal compared to last time and the movement I have in my ankles is amazing. The last time I saw him, he couldn't even get them to move a centimeter.

He said that if I want, the surgery is still an option, but not a definite need. I just need to continue stretching and seeing my medical masseuse, and even if my left foot doesn't go all the way down like my right, which it only has like 1/4 of an inch to go now, I can get away with wearing wedges. Which, I totally found some Dr. Scholl's work shoes, slightly wedged and comfy as hell.

He also said that my feet hurt for now. They just need to get used to carrying my weight again. Which since I started working 3 weeks ago, I've dropped 7 pounds. Go figure, if I'm not sitting on my ass all day, I work it off.

But still got a ways to go in losing the weight I gained since coming home. But, now that I am busy again, it'll come off. I'm already eating healthy and drinking lots of water. And I am able to ride the exercise bike without my knee killing me. It's good cardio and physical therapy. Just gotta keep working it.

I've already came this far, what a little more? I got this. Besides, I got a wedding to go to in November. Gotta get super cute for it.  :D

[wolventears]

First color session.

[wolventears]

Ya know, I'm feeling kind of down on myself. Working again, this fucking brain injury has made my job slightly hard and then when people look at me like I should know, it gets aggravating. And since I lost my school because I was out for  so long on medical leave, I'm at another school where the manager before me kind of messed things up.

So, on top of my shit, I'm trying to clean up her messes. But damn, I just feel so damn stupid. I should know these things and it's killing me.

But, deep breath. Rant over. Tomorrow, I'm going to work with my head held high and I'm going to do this. Like a boss. I was once great at this job, I can be again.

Just have to remember to breath.

[Beguile's Mistress]

Seven years ago, give or take, I was in a coma with three separate fractures in my skull and brain injury that was supposed to make a full recovery iffy at best.  There was a laundry list of other issues:  lost organs, broken bones, facial lacerations and cosmetic damage as well.  I have some scars and walk with a limp among other things but one of the worst for me is some short term memory loss.  It's aggravating and frustrating but I have a responsible job running a department of 350+ people.  My tablet at work and Post-it Notes have become my best friends and I've learned to cope.  I think you have made an amazing recovery and find work arounds for memory issues should be fairly easy for your. ;D

[wolventears]

So, I've been seeing the things my friends are posting on Facebook about what they are thankful for and it's gotten me to thinking. Mainly, hell, just being alive, for one. Life is too damn short. Why hold back when you want something? Go out and get it.

So, one of my biggest issues right now, that my husband and I have come to notice, is that I over think, way to damn much. I find ways to talk myself out of things. Well, that stops now. I want it, I'll start what needs to be started to getting it. If it works out, swell, if not, you win some, you lose some. That's life. If I was meant to have it, I'll have it. If not, something else will come along. Forces beyond me obviously didn't want me to die when I should have easily, so who am I to say that those things aren't at play in something as simple as this?

But now, on to other things to get you updated. That school I was at that was incredibly screwed, I am no longer at. I was put into a kitchen that might be mine when it opens and I am actually liking it. The staff is amazing, both my kitchen and the administration, the kids are great. Now the question is if I just want a kitchen that far away. Like a 40 minute drive from me. Oi. But it will be mine and that kind of weighs out the cons here.

[Beguile's Mistress]

You have your choices to make and like you said if you want something go after it.  Don't ask the question and the answer will always be no.  Don't go after what you want and you'll never get it.

I didn't die either and now I can choose to do or do without.  So I choose to do and move on to the next thing if it doesn't work out. 

So, go for it.  You can always look for something else if it doesn't work once you have it. :D

[wolventears]

Like I said, I really got to get out of my damn head. I'm thinking to much on things now. Like the whole walking thing, I really didn't want to fall so I was psyching myself out and lo and behold, when I stopped thinking, I got up and did it. Like a pro. And yeah, if it's meant to happen, it will. If not, oh well. Just move on, head held high and go after the next thing. I got this.

[wolventears]

And forgot to share but here is the final piece. Wonder Woman!

[BlackNight897]

Amazing, its everthing at once; a celebration, motivational, and inspirational.....and above all else, a work of art.

[wolventears]

Alright. Already, it's nearing Christmas. The year has flown by so damn fast. But, I have to say, that I am pretty damn happy with how I far I have made it.

I'm working. I'm walking for the Goddess's sake. I'm driving. I'm doing all the things that my family were told I was never going to be able to do again.

I may wake up from my coma, but I'd be slow. Unable to think for myself, do anything for myself. Yet, here I am. Being all badass and shit. And I don't say that because I think too highly of myself, but because I have quite literally made it to hell and back. And if I can do this, making a would be fucked up life as close to good and normal as I can get it again, and that is pretty damn close, I can do anything.

[Oreo]

*dances around waving Christmas Glittery PomPoms* You go girl. You are amazing.

[wolventears]

So, it's 2015, a year that I am actually able to participate in, be a part of. And you know, I'm feeling pretty damn good about it.

I'm walking. I'm working. I'm down 28 of the lbs I gained from leaving the hospital. I look pretty damn good.

I have wonderful friends that have never left my side and the most wonderful husband a woman could ask for, loving me and kissing me everyday. I found out both my sister-in-laws are pregnant and I get to see that and be an aunt all over again.

Sure, I've had my issues getting my life back, but all in all, I am happy to be here. Just to be able to experience these things, knowing that I looked life in the face when she hit me with all she had and replied with a smile, you hit like a bitch.

So, here's to 2015. Making life that much better for me and everyone around me. And that includes the wonderful writers her on E. This blog, reading your responses, that means a whole hell of a lot and I can't thank you guys enough.

It's a damn good life I have right now and it will only get better.  XD

[TheMusician]

You are truly incredible. I hope that I can be as strong as you are, should life ever try to drop-kick me.  ;D Cheers to 2015, wolventears!

[wolventears]

I was talking to a friend today who I don't see all that often, but we text often. I saw him for superbowl last weekend, so, as the man is brutally honest, I asked him, do I seem different then the last time you had seen me?

I specified a little. Like, is my walking better? Do I look like I have lost some of that damn after hospital weight because I sure as hell don't feel like I have?

He said yes. My hips seemed more aligned, so my stance isn't off anymore. I no longer walk with a limp. And I do look like I have lost quite a bit of weight. He said that you can't even tell that I nearly died just by looking at me. I'm as beautiful as ever. Adorable and fun Ali.

Only one other person has said that to me and he said it when I was still in the hospital before giving me the biggest and most loving kiss I have ever experienced.

It makes me realize that I am always thinking negatively about myself now. Like I'm broken.

Sure, some things are a little harder than they had been, and it took me some time to get into some other things again, but I gotta stop this negativity. It isn't helping, only holding me back from being more of a badass than I already am.

I've already done so much, now to go the rest of the way.

So, all in all, I have to thank the people in my life who remind me how great I am. I love you all.

[Oreo]

You are great!! Maybe we need a name change to WolvenCheers!! ;D

[wolventears]

So, I was looking at myself the other day. I have dropped over 30 lbs since August and then there is this.

December 8, 2014


and today


How far I have come.  ^-^

Oh, and to make things even better, I got my own school kitchen again! Whooo!

And reading back on this, like from the very beginning, I see the grammatical errors and typos. Now you can say, "Brain injury? You suffered a brain injury? I couldn't tell." That makes me feel so damn good. 

[Oniya]

Very appropriate shoes.  ;D

[wolventears]

Spring Break is already here. Goodness, already the year has flown by.

School only has about ten weeks left until summer break. 7 1/2 weeks until the 2 year anniversary of my accident. And 15 1/2 until my rebirthday of when I fully woke up from my coma. It's fucking nuts how far I have come, how far any and all this has come.

Still not quite 100% though. Still have a bit to go, but, thank to me masseuse, I can cross my legs indian style again! Whoo! That is one hell of an achievement considering I wasn't even close a year ago. Or hell, six months ago. But yay. Now just to lose the rest of this weight.

[Oreo]

Keep it up Wolventears. I know you will achieve all your goals. ;D

[wolventears]

So, my walking is getting better. I am finally able to walk like a female again. Hip sway and all that. But, every single time it feels, when I take 3 steps forward, I have to take 2 steps back. Not as bad as 2 forward and 3 back, but fuck, all the same.

Last week, the pinkie toe and the one beside it on my left foot have been hurting to all hell. And putting on shoes, gods, hurts so bad. So, yesterday, I took my flip flops to work to switch out of after work. When I did, there was blood between my two toes.

I went to quick care. Apparently, I cut the inside of my pinkie toe and it has gotten infected. Don't know how the hell I even managed that because I never do anything barefoot anymore.

So, I'm at home today. No shoes, staying off my feet. I hated that I had to call in, but doctor's orders, ya know?

[wolventears]

So, school year is officially over and summer programs have begun. It's June and I've been sitting here just thinking and writing and I realized something.

It has been two years since the accident. Two years since I nearly died. Since that truck knocked me into the coma and you know what? To look at me, you'd ask, wait what? You were in bad car accident that put you into a coma?

Yeah, it's nuts, but you know what, I do feel good that I can say I had to got through that shit, because it only means I can do anything I put my mind to. There is no reason for me to fail in anything I try to do. I can do this or that because at this point, anything is possible.

[wolventears]

So, I went to an arena football game out here in a stadium and there were stairs. I haven't been on or around stairs since before the accident. And there wasn't an elevator, well, I'm sure there was, but I didn't see one. But then, I can walk.

So, I used the stairs. The first game, I was scared shitless. I mean who could blame me, but at the same time, I knew I was being ridiculous, so, I got pissed at myself more than anything.

But, this last weekend, we went again and before going down to our seats, I looked at those stairs and was like, "we meet again."

I did the stairs much better this time. Going up was a lot easier of course, but I did it. But, the downfall, the walking and I guess movements that I'm not used to, caused my ankle to swell and my foot hurt to all hell.

But, I did it and I know I'll only keep getting better.

[wolventears]

So, it has been awhile since I've written. As the new year is nearly upon us, I would like to stop and just reminisce on this year.

I officially got my own kitchen once again, falling right into work like I hadn't been gone for nearly a year and a half and suffered a traumatic brain injury.
It has been over a year since I started driving again, although I'm pretty sure due to not being able to remember the accident because of the brain injury, that helps a lot, so there isn't fear of getting in a vehicle. Which the other day as I was driving on the freeway beside a big Dodge Diesel, I am really fucking thankful that that doesn't scare the utter shit out of me because in all honesty, it really should.

There were some things I have come to realize this year that people close to me, my husband especially, have been trying to tell me, but I was just to naive to notice or to accept and I wouldn't like to think the accident has made me bitter because it hasn't by any means, but it forced me to grow up quite a bit. I am no longer a child and I needed to come to grips with that and once the withdrawals and brain issues were done and over with, I had begun to think with a clear mind, on basically everything and that includes people.

So, with that said, I've made friends, I've lost some, people who were supposed to be family as well and honestly, I'm not saddened by it.
I've made some big decisions in the year that will make this new year all the more worth while.

So, all in all, here's to an awesome 2016! One more year down and many more to come!

[Oreo]

It s so good to hear from you wolventears. Especially nice that you are getting past some emotional healing. *hugs* Thank you for the update, I had been wondering how you were doing.

[wolventears]

So, I now have an understanding of what my husband and mom felt like when I was in the hospital...

Two weeks ago, my grandfather had a defibrillator and a pace maker put in and since then, his mental health has been well, crazy.

It started that he couldn't be left alone. He talked in circles and the way he acted was like a toddler. One day, he tried to rip apart his house and my brother went to stop him, and he attacked him. Biting and kicking.

So 911 was called.

He was put on a legal hold in the hospital and he's been there for the last week and a half.

I was upset, but now I'm just pissed. What the hell happened during that surgery to make this happen? It was like a switch was flipped.

I go see him everyday after work for a few hours and I watch what's going on around me and the lack of care and it mind boggles me. I am sorry if any of the readers work in health care but being on this side and seeing a loved one go through this and not get what he needs...

You work in healthcare. The care of another human being! A life!

Granted, not all are bad, but not all are great either.

I'm just at a loss here...

[Oniya]

I doubt that this is something that was completely predictable or completely preventable.  Has the hospital done any brain imaging since he's been back in?  That would be my first avenue to pursue, speaking as a complete layperson.

[wolventears]

They have done ct scans and mri's. The neuro said it looked like he had eaten some bad pork. But he doesn't eat pork usually, so I don't know. Besides that, the scans have looked good.

So I don't know. I'm don't understand any of it.

We are waiting for a psych eval then he can be placed in a care facility because he can't be home alone and unsupervised.

[wolventears]

Today is the 3 year anniversary.

Had a n emotional breakdown this morning over some dumb shit. I didn't realize what day it was but subconsciously I remember.

Now  I'm kind of not knowing how to feel.

But I'm here. That's all I have to remember. Doing stuff the doctors said I wouldn't be able to do ever again.

[Oniya]

You are here.  And exceeding expectations.  I'd say that's cause for some swagger.  ;D

[wolventears]

So today, based off everything my husband and mother have said, I'm pretty sure today is the day that 3 years ago, I officially woke up in the hospital. And by officially, I mean that I woke up and was actually there, and can remember what happened that day.
I remember waking up that morning in a hospital bed, beeps from the machines around me and being like, where am I?
I was at Kindred hospital, bed ridden, and a catheter in.
I woke up, my body not wanting to cooperate and I was on the verge of freaking out, but luckily, my mom was there to tell me what happened.
I had been awake for a few weeks I believe at that point but had no idea how I had gotten there.
Scariest fucking day of my life, now that I think back on it. Well, the one I can remember anyways.
But gotta say, it's been three years and I'm here. I'm okay, hell, I'm fucking fantastic. And it's only getting better.

[Oreo]

Congrats WonderWoman! ;D You've come a long way!

[Barenmarder]

Your story is stupefying. The strength of will and the determination you have leave me speechless.

Your family were behind you, but it was you who took this journey. Never forget the power you have, to overcome adversity.

Thank you for sharing this. Reading it means a great deal.

[GingerKitty]

Wow, I'm absolutely in awe of your story and determination to live your life to the fullest. You are an inspiration!

[Beguile's Mistress]

I'm okay, hell, I'm fucking fantastic. And it's only getting better.

You are perfectly wonderful!  An amazement!  I'm so happy for you!

You've given yourself the gift of looking forward and you'll do that every day from now on.  Your story has given all of the gift of knowing that the human spirit can endure, the human heart can heal, and the human soul can carry us through anything. 

[wolventears]

As shitty of a time it was, the accident and the healing process, it has seriously changed the husband's and my life around for the better.

As of July 1st, he is now a parts manager at one of the BMW stores in Vegas and I will be moving up to a middle or high school kitchen this year as the manager myself. The money is flowing and last night, I bought tickets to Vegas' first official NHL hockey game at the new T-Mobile arena to see the Dallas Stars and the LA Kings in a preseason game! So fucking stoked!!!!

On top of that, tomorrow I'm going to my first kickboxing class. The reviews were all pretty damn good and from what I hear, it's a blast. So I'm hoping, if I like it, it will help me with my balance, which is still kind of off, and to lose that last bit of weight I gained after coming home from the hospital.

So here is to some kickass times from here on out in the years to come. ^-^

[wolventears]

So I started kickboxing last Friday. Got some things to work on but I already notice a difference. And, I'm down 2 pounds. Yeah buddy!

It's helping with my balance and I'm getting my strength up. It's also helping with my frustration. Apparently, everyone, and I mean everyone, seems to annoy and piss me off so I can go now and punch my hatred out. It really works. And it's a fucking blast.

[Beguile's Mistress]

Sounds like it is hitting all the good buttons. :-)

[wolventears]

So kickboxing, I am totally addicted to. I started a 45 day challenge on the 1st, which entails I have to go to at least 15 classes and make 2 dietary changes. I've already been to 2 and my dietary changes included no liquor, beer is especially a big downfall of mine, and soda of any kind. The diet ones were a big thing for me. But no more.

The last two days I've upped my protein and leafy green intake and along with my killer workouts, I've already dropped nearly a full 3 pounds. Probably water weight, but still, makes me fucking ecstatic.

And, to make things even happier, I got a puppy. An irishdoodle (irish setter/standard poodle mix), mixed with chihuahua. She's adorable and tiny as hell. We call her Brody.

So all in all, life is good right now.  ^-^

[wolventears]

It's been a while since I've written but think it is time to write down how life has been as of late.

The end 2016 was rough. I lost my grandfather and that was pretty damn hard on me. But I like to think he's watching over me and wanting me to succeed.

The new year has been alright. I still have some things physically that need to be worked on, but it is getting better. Like my balance. That is a big thing but I had a woman at kickboxing tell me that I had improved so much from the last time she saw me and that was like 4 months ago.

I am doing a 30 day ab challenge for the month of April and already, I am down 2 inches off my waist and finally, nearly four fucking years later, I am back to the weight I was before the accident. Also went down a pant size which is pretty damn sweet.

It hasn't been too bad. I've just been living I guess. With the husband now the parts manager for BMW here in Vegas, he works long hours so during the week, I'm alone a lot. So kickboxing and writing is kind of my life at the moment. But it is what it is until something happens I suppose.

But, on the bright side, I'm doing well. Mentally, I still have some things to work through, but kickboxing has helped with the anger issues a lot. Other than that, it's more memory now really. I write a lot of things down still but it is getting better. All in good time, I suppose.

[Oreo]

I am so glad to hear from you every time you leave us an update, wonderwoman! That is great that there is still improvement going on. ;D

[persephone325]

I'm glad to hear how well you're doing. ^^ You're an inspiration!

[wolventears]

Today, it's been four years. Four years since it almost ended for me. Four years since I nearly broke the man I would give anything for.

We took the day off together and for the first time on this day in these last couple years, I am not an emotional mess. I'm okay.

I'm happy I made it. I'm happy to be alive. Granted all the shit I had to go through to get to where I'm at sucked a big one, but I did it.

Life has been good.

[Oreo]

*has a warm fluffy moment* <3

[persephone325]

So glad to hear you're doing better. ^^ This was one of the first blogs I looked at when I joined, and I've followed it for a while.

<3 <3 You really are inspiring. :-)

[wolventears]

You know, I've come a long ways from what happened to me, but this is a sad time for the city I live in. I'm sure you heard, but there was a mass shooting out on the strip in Las Vegas by the Mandalay Bay this last Sunday night. People died and more were injured. And as of today, quite a few have died during surgery.

I like to say that I am happy to be alive, but this world we live in fucking sucks. There is so much hate, so much violence and instead of stop it, all we can fucking do is fight with each other about it.

It's a sad world we live in and I almost want to say that I wish I hadn't survived...

Donating to those in need helps, but only so much. Something big needs to be done and people like me, as much of us as there are, it won't be enough. It never will be.

If I'm completely in the wrong, please let me know and tell me what can be done differently because if that is the case, it needs to be heard. It needs to happen and it needs to start now.

[SithLordOfSnark]

You know, I've come a long ways from what happened to me, but this is a sad time for the city I live in. I'm sure you heard, but there was a mass shooting out on the strip in Las Vegas by the Mandalay Bay this last Sunday night. People died and more were injured. And as of today, quite a few have died during surgery.

I like to say that I am happy to be alive, but this world we live in fucking sucks. There is so much hate, so much violence and instead of stop it, all we can fucking do is fight with each other about it.

It's a sad world we live in and I almost want to say that I wish I hadn't survived...

Donating to those in need helps, but only so much. Something big needs to be done and people like me, as much of us as there are, it won't be enough. It never will be.

If I'm completely in the wrong, please let me know and tell me what can be done differently because if that is the case, it needs to be heard. It needs to happen and it needs to start now.

I completely agree with you. I heard about the shooting and was dumbfounded. Then I heard the guy was in his 60s and I'm like "What the fuck drives someone that old to madness like this?"

I know age isn't really a factor, but it really sickens me that something like this can happen at all, let alone by someone old enough to be my grandfather..

[wolventears]

So I love hockey and this season, Vegas got it's very first team. And this team has made me so proud to be a hockey fan.
https://youtu.be/UAaXPJSpwBk
In spite of the horrific massacre of last Sunday, we have found ourselves standing together as a city. We are Vegas strong. Let's go Knights!

[wolventears]

So today, I'm heading to kickboxing and a lady pulls out of a gas station, shoots two lanes through traffic and right into me. I'm fine, but she hit me so hard, my car is in the shop.

I was pissed at first, but then I started experiencing some feelings I can't even explain. I don't remember the accident, but I think this, once the anger died down, brought some things to the surface and I nearly had a panic attack in the parking lot we had managed to get into after she hit me.

Luckily my husband got there when he did or I would have fucking lost it.

My right fender, headlight, mirror and wheels need to be replaced. My steering rack is crumpled and will need to be replaced. My beautiful baby is hurting. I just hope I get her back soon.

I am so fucking thankful that I don't remember the accident or this could have been bad. But I am in bed right now and just woke up, nearly hyperventilating. I think I'm having nightmares but I couldn't tell you if I am. I haven't remembered a dream since and I think because of the brain injury.

[Oreo]

*hugs so tight* I cannot even imagine how traumatic that must have been after everything you have already been through. Breathe deep and know it is over and all that is hurt is the car.

[wolventears]

So, been a bit, but just wanted to share how I've been.

Got a new job. I'm a secretary now, so no more heavy lifting and on my feet all day which is a good thing.
Went to the doctor two weeks ago. I have the early stages of arthritis in my knee and I'm not even thirty yet. And, I start back to PT next month to hopefully prevent the possibility of knee surgery.
I really don't want to have to have surgery so bring on the physical therapy. And hopefully it will help with the arthritis too. But, the doc did give me naproxen, which is really, really good. And it's been raining like a bitch out here, which for Vegas is odd as hell. Mother Nature is obviously on her period because one day it will be bright and sunny, the next day, gloomy and raining. Went through two weeks like that.
But, so I don't take the naproxen so often, I got a neoprene brace for my knee which is fantastic! Helps a lot. Makes such a difference.

Now if I can just get something for my shoulder, I'd be perfect, or at least, as perfect as I can be.

[wolventears]

It's been a good minute since I've written last, but I've been stuck in my head as of late. It's been six years and I thought I'd be okay now, but once again, this time of year has proven me wrong...

It's July 2019 and I've been doing well. Okay. Or, well, hanging on. But I realize more and more each day that I'm a different person. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. I just don't know anymore really.

The good - I've taken my health and fitness to a good level. I  no longer hold the weight I gained coming home from the hospital. Hell, I'm even down a cup size. Not too sure how I feel about that but it is what it is. And, I can see an ab! Just one though. No need to go crazy. Beer and I are still very good friends. Haha

The bad - My anxiety reaches exponential levels. So bad I'll have panic attacks. I'll break down and just bawl over the tiniest things and it pisses me off because I'm doing it which leads to more tears. At least I can go kickbox and let some of it out though.
And, this last weekend, in San Diego, learned I cannot ride a bike anymore. If it weren't for my husband and his fast reflexes, I would have fallen right into traffic. Had a nice panic attack on the side of the road with that one.

So six years later, I'm here and life doesn't really suck, but it's hard and different. I just hope I don't make things harder for myself with my overthinking and anxiety.

I'm not depressed, just sad sometimes I guess. Only way I can think to explain it.

[Oreo]

*leaving lots of love and good vibes* Losing the ability to do certain things that used to be easy is a bitter pill.

[wolventears]

So it's been a very long while since my last update.
Needless to say, life has been hard these last few years with the craziness of the world right now. COVID and quarantine hit me hard. Put me in a very rough place mentally. It got to a lot of people I know, but the not being around people and interacting made me dive into the cluster fuck that is my head these days and that's not a place where anyone wants to be.
This last holiday, I wanted some kind of normalcy, you know. Just something that can tell me for at least one day that the world isn't going to hell in a hand basket. But that was too much to ask for apparently. Which then lead to me having an anxiety attack, which brought on a panic attack and if it weren't for my husband, I don't know what I would have done.
Sleep lately, because of this has been nights that are few and far between because of the night terrors and it pisses me off when I wake up being held down so I stop flailing and can't remember my damn dream.
But, this has gotten me to look into TBI's and what the after affects are and damn. I'm a fucking poster child. It's been 8 years, 9 this May and hell, I'm still showing the signs.
I'm awkward as hell. I enjoy talking, I always have but now, I don't think before I speak, especially on whether if it will make someone uncomfortable or hurt them. I've lost friends because of it, granted these people didn't know me before the accident. So, making new friends and keeping them isn't my strong suit these days.
Being awkward though, that's whatever at this point. But what is really getting to me these days, is my memory. I'm starting to have memory issues. Forgetting conversations from just a day before or repeating myself constantly because I've forgotten I've already said it.
That sets off my anxiety like nobodies business.

I am looking into support groups where I can talk to others who have suffered TBIs and could even give me advice on how to deal. I think that would be more helpful than just going to see a therapist solo, you know? And I kind of don't want to be described antidepressants or anything like it.
If anyone does know of anything like this, especially out here in Vegas, please shoot me a PM. It would be much appreciated.

[Esoterica]

I just wanted to take a moment to say I have a traumatic brain injury and I understand where you are coming from to some extent. If you ever want to chat about it, feel free to pm me.