The Five Stages of Reading Derrida, Lacan, Freud, etc.

[Tant de Tentation]

(from facebook, and yes, college students might find this a little funnier, since most people who are no longer in college no longer feel compelled to read these people...)


1. Clear some time in your schedule.
Due to the fact that reading the works of any of these fine fellows will surely occupy an expansive amount of time, you should certainly cancel any and all obligations, commitments, appointments, and dates in order to fully realize the infrastructure necessary to consume, with all attainable mastery of that which constitutes "reading", the works, essays, texts, symbols, hieroglyphs, lines, shapes, and interruptions of white space by black figures that may (or may not) comprise the expression of minds of genius on topics essential to our very understanding of the manner in which we communicate, by and under which, we live out our very lives. Estimate at least twenty to thirty minutes per page.

2. Stand on your head.
This will promote circulation to the region most active during your safari into decipherment and descent into descanting.

3.Hide your clocks.
Having to regularly view these wretched contraptions will simply remind you how much time has passed since you began reading..... yesterday.

4. Be careful when releasing anger and frustration.
When you finally become so entangled and embroiled by that which has captivated your attention for a span of time exceeding that of any other span of time representing the length of duration that measured the completion of work for other classes, you may feel the need to release this frustration by manifestation of such emotion in the physical realm in which we all (are under the perception that we) live in. It is necessary to take care. Never aim to cause harm, bodily or otherwise, to small children, household pets, the elderly, or yourself. Inanimate objects, while intricately woven molecularly into the grand web of being and thus exist as a mere extension of the animate form and essence, are typically fair game. For instance, hurling the book in your hand which contains the evening's selected reading should produce a sensation of euphoric ecstasy. Merely remind yourself to aim said book-become-flying-object in directions opposite of other living creatures.

5. Quit.
Quitting is hip and in vouge. Besides, all those signifiers on that page really do not signify their intended significations. In fact, fuck it. It don't matter none anyhow. Jest relize that wurds relly dont mene nuthin at'all. They jus' bes hows we tryin to say shit n shit. So, at this point, use that there phone an go head call up yo freenz and go drink... alot... cuz you'll be all tired an shit.

[The Great Triangle]

Ah, philosophy major humor.  The good times I've had reading amazingly poorly translated Platonic dialogues, to say nothing of the public domain translations of the works of Aristotle...

But honestly, what's wrong with inflicting pain on yourself while reading these guys?  It's all about externalizing the mental experiences acquired while reading them, which implies the existence of an external world, and therefore serves as a bulwark against the solipsism one might otherwise suffer from after excessive reading.

Also, masturbation causes a release of nervous energy, which will therefore deprive you of the essence you need to survive and turn you gay.  Thanks 1950s medicine!   :)

One might say that the third paragraph had absolutely nothing to do with the second paragraph, but I'd say:  The devil is in the details. 

Status: Running from Maxwell's Demon.

[ShrowdedPoet]

*giggles*  I like most philosophy but I don't consider Freud I philosopher.  As a matter of fact. . .I HATE Freud. . .

[Happy an Nice]

Ah, philosophy major humor.  The good times I've had reading amazingly poorly translated Platonic dialogues, to say nothing of the public domain translations of the works of Aristotle...

But honestly, what's wrong with inflicting pain on yourself while reading these guys?  It's all about externalizing the mental experiences acquired while reading them, which implies the existence of an external world, and therefore serves as a bulwark against the solipsism one might otherwise suffer from after excessive reading.

Also, masturbation causes a release of nervous energy, which will therefore deprive you of the essence you need to survive and turn you gay.  Thanks 1950s medicine!   :)

One might say that the third paragraph had absolutely nothing to do with the second paragraph, but I'd say:  The devil is in the details. 

Status: Running from Maxwell's Demon.

This was art, truly art. Bravo. Art or pure sophistry. Is it a flaw of ego to internalize them first? If so, have we stroked Freud and made him feel better than he had right to?