You are either not logged in or not registered with our community. Click here to register.
 
December 15, 2017, 09:40:32 PM

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length

Click here if you are having problems.
Default Wide Screen Beige Lilac Rainbow Black & Blue October Send us your theme!

Wiki Blogs Dicebot

Author Topic: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View  (Read 136235 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Online marauder13

  • A Patient Male
  • Lord
  • Enchanter
  • *
  • Join Date: Jan 2013
  • Location: Waiting in the shadows to surprise you
  • Gender: Male
  • Always on the lookout for my next friend.
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 0
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1475 on: November 15, 2017, 06:19:10 AM »
You know when people ask if you are okay and you have to fight to smile and say something pleasant and utterly false? Someone close to me asked that recently and I told him the truth. The wounded, bloody, awful, deep dark truth.

It didn't go well.

He keeps asking, thinking somehow I will give him a better answer. I stopped answering.

My wife and her oldest friend have a system they use with each other. One of them will ask the other "How are you?" and they will get the normal answer of "I am fine." or some variation on the theme. If the same person asks the question a second time during that social event or conversation, they are wanting to know the truth, and they get it. I like it, and I am starting to use that with a few close friends of mine. That allows them to ask, and receive the normal acceptable answer, but if they really want to know, and can handle hearing it, then they ask again, maybe a sentence or two later. That way, the other person doesn't get a heap of TMI thrown at them if they don't want it.

That, or when you are asked, simply reply with "Do you want the socially acceptable answer, or the gory, ugly truth?"

Online Peripherie

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1476 on: November 15, 2017, 06:38:54 AM »
My wife and her oldest friend have a system they use with each other. One of them will ask the other "How are you?" and they will get the normal answer of "I am fine." or some variation on the theme. If the same person asks the question a second time during that social event or conversation, they are wanting to know the truth, and they get it. I like it, and I am starting to use that with a few close friends of mine. That allows them to ask, and receive the normal acceptable answer, but if they really want to know, and can handle hearing it, then they ask again, maybe a sentence or two later. That way, the other person doesn't get a heap of TMI thrown at them if they don't want it.

That, or when you are asked, simply reply with "Do you want the socially acceptable answer, or the gory, ugly truth?"

I like that system. Maybe I'll share that idea with him, maybe it will help him understand when I'm not doing horribly at the moment but I'm really not doing okay either. Thank you! :)

Online Oniya

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1477 on: November 15, 2017, 08:38:05 AM »
While he doesn't use it in the same context, Mr. Oniya will occasionally answer an inquiry with 'Do you really want the answer to that question?'  One time, when it would have involved the inquiring co-worker hearing a lot about 'alternative lifestyles', his boss (who already knew and was cool with it) said 'No.  No you don't.'

Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1478 on: November 15, 2017, 08:46:21 AM »
Seemed apropos.

« Last Edit: November 25, 2017, 12:47:51 PM by Oniya »

Offline Xandi

  • Let it snow, let it snow...HUGS from the Queen of Hugs.....Hugs
  • Dame
  • Addict
  • *
  • Join Date: Jul 2009
  • Location: Xandiland where everyone is respectful or they get their head chopped off.
  • Gender: Female
  • Light dispels darkness, Widsom dispels ignorance
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 1
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1479 on: November 16, 2017, 04:00:19 AM »

I have been conditioned my whole life to give the easy answer to the 'how are you?' question. I usually say fine.


My sister has had the same conditioning and I asked her how she is and she says okay. Then I say, No really how are you? Then she has to think about it because the easy answer is the one you just automatically give and so you don't really know how to answer the question sometimes. She does the same with me as well.


The problem is when someone ask you and you tell them the truth and then 5 minutes later they ask you again, as if in 5 minutes you have been miraculously healed. That can get very irritating to me. My fiancÚ does this and several times I have just said, 'unless the hand of God has come down in the last 5 minutes then the answer is the same so please tell me the appropriate answer so that the conversation can just move on.' I know that may seem harsh but after several times of saying the same thing it gets very old, very fast. Sometimes I just ignore the question and ask one of my own. Sometimes I just can't give an honest answer, do any of you feel that way sometimes?


I know this is kinda off the subject of the OT, but I needed to get it off my chest. I can feel for you Peri, it is hurtful when that happens. *hugs*

Offline Mirrah

  • |Mischievous Kitsune| |Brat| |Incorrigible Tease| |You can't take the sky from me.|
  • Mentor
  • Addict
  • *
  • Join Date: Nov 2015
  • Location: Ebb and flow...
  • Gender: Female
  • Kiss but don't tell...
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 0
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1480 on: November 21, 2017, 10:46:34 AM »
I have been conditioned my whole life to give the easy answer to the 'how are you?' question. I usually say fine.


My sister has had the same conditioning and I asked her how she is and she says okay. Then I say, No really how are you? Then she has to think about it because the easy answer is the one you just automatically give and so you don't really know how to answer the question sometimes. She does the same with me as well.


The problem is when someone ask you and you tell them the truth and then 5 minutes later they ask you again, as if in 5 minutes you have been miraculously healed. That can get very irritating to me. My fiancÚ does this and several times I have just said, 'unless the hand of God has come down in the last 5 minutes then the answer is the same so please tell me the appropriate answer so that the conversation can just move on.' I know that may seem harsh but after several times of saying the same thing it gets very old, very fast. Sometimes I just ignore the question and ask one of my own. Sometimes I just can't give an honest answer, do any of you feel that way sometimes?


I know this is kinda off the subject of the OT, but I needed to get it off my chest. I can feel for you Peri, it is hurtful when that happens. *hugs*

I get that. It's always easier to give the "I'm fine." or "I'm okay." as an answer, rather than get into the more complicated truth of "How I honestly feel and am doing right now." I am very much guilty of doing that, but as you said, it is a matter of conditioning. Sometimes, people truly care to know. Most times, they are merely asking to either fulfill social conventions, or to say that they have asked. I am secretive by nature, and prefer to not examine my own state too deeply, because it feels like a whirlpool that I'll get sucked into and I can't swim. It's definitely easier to say, "I'm okay." and fake a smile, or deflect.

At the same time, I understand the frustration of, when you finally need to either let go of something or yourself, and the person in front of you isn't someone equipped to handle the truth--not even those small ones. Trying to trust is terrifying, and learning whom to trust is a painful process. It's very easy to feel very alone, even when surrounded by people. I often feel that I can never be, honestly, myself. Not with family, not with anyone. Just lift my head up, paint a smile on my face, and walk forward. Luckily, I now have a very small handful of friends whom I can count on to just listen on occasion, if nothing else.

It's been a blessing, but one I still find myself wary of abusing. As someone who is used to being the listener, not the one listened to, I understand too well what people mean when they try to say that they can't handle any more. Different people have different thresholds, and it's difficult to discern where it is for each person. I'd rather not come close to even approaching it, for fear of losing them. When a friend says, "I can't deal with this." it's heartbreaking. I end up feeling like they're saying, "I can't deal with you anymore." I know that's probably not what they meant, but it's how I end up feeling. Then I close up again. Paint the smile back on. "I'm okay. I'm fine. How are you?" Even if I'm breaking inside.

Offline Xandi

  • Let it snow, let it snow...HUGS from the Queen of Hugs.....Hugs
  • Dame
  • Addict
  • *
  • Join Date: Jul 2009
  • Location: Xandiland where everyone is respectful or they get their head chopped off.
  • Gender: Female
  • Light dispels darkness, Widsom dispels ignorance
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 1
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1481 on: November 23, 2017, 03:49:09 AM »

I get that. It's always easier to give the "I'm fine." or "I'm okay." as an answer, rather than get into the more complicated truth of "How I honestly feel and am doing right now." I am very much guilty of doing that, but as you said, it is a matter of conditioning. Sometimes, people truly care to know. Most times, they are merely asking to either fulfill social conventions, or to say that they have asked. I am secretive by nature, and prefer to not examine my own state too deeply, because it feels like a whirlpool that I'll get sucked into and I can't swim. It's definitely easier to say, "I'm okay." and fake a smile, or deflect.

At the same time, I understand the frustration of, when you finally need to either let go of something or yourself, and the person in front of you isn't someone equipped to handle the truth--not even those small ones. Trying to trust is terrifying, and learning whom to trust is a painful process. It's very easy to feel very alone, even when surrounded by people. I often feel that I can never be, honestly, myself. Not with family, not with anyone. Just lift my head up, paint a smile on my face, and walk forward. Luckily, I now have a very small handful of friends whom I can count on to just listen on occasion, if nothing else.

It's been a blessing, but one I still find myself wary of abusing. As someone who is used to being the listener, not the one listened to, I understand too well what people mean when they try to say that they can't handle any more. Different people have different thresholds, and it's difficult to discern where it is for each person. I'd rather not come close to even approaching it, for fear of losing them. When a friend says, "I can't deal with this." it's heartbreaking. I end up feeling like they're saying, "I can't deal with you anymore." I know that's probably not what they meant, but it's how I end up feeling. Then I close up again. Paint the smile back on. "I'm okay. I'm fine. How are you?" Even if I'm breaking inside.


Mirrah I understand what you mean. Sometimes what a person says it not what you hear internally. It feels like so many pieces of myself are missing because over the years they have been chipped away. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt but it has bit me in the ass so many times that now I feel life half a person. My mask is on, my smile is in place, but my heart is crumbling. My fiancÚ has helped me a lot. He is a wonderful man and when we are together I feel more whole. But right now we are not together and with the holidays, it hurts so much. All these people around me and I feel completely alone. I can't really talk about this with anyone because there is no one who can get it because I can't express myself well. I can write my feelings but I can not speak them. It is almost like if I hear it out loud, it makes it more real. Right now I can't deal with more real.


Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends. *HUGS FOR ALL*

Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1482 on: November 25, 2017, 10:41:40 AM »
Ugh.  Can I get a moderator to delete that last post, please (and this one?)  I was trying to force the image to width 600 and clicked on "Quote".  Thanks.

Online Oniya

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1483 on: November 25, 2017, 12:47:29 PM »
Is bye-byed.

Fixed the image while I was at it.