Since I started writing submissive blogs or blogs on my personal lifestyle choices I have had many pm's with questions in general. I encourage questions, as knowledge is power and I feel the understanding of lifestyles will help others not be forced to hide it, or face ridicule. This blog will be dealing with the basis of a D/s relationship, and throwing down some misconceptions that seem to have arisen.
Ok first of all let us not mistake D/s with Bondage or Sadomasochism. One can have vanilla sex and still be in a D/s lifestyle. People hear that I am a full time submissive and they fully expect that every sexual encounter has whips, chains, and bondage to it. In all actuality these are for 'special' occasions and other then the some orgasm denial and orders in the bed a lot of my husband and my sex life is fairly vanilla-esque. Yes we enjoy bondage, yes we enjoy mild sado-masochism but that does not define our D/s relationship. My online relationship with Steve is much the same. There is a definite D/s there, but it does not mean that we are engaging in bondage or pain. Yes you heard me right a husband offline and an Online Master as well, I will sate your curiosity soon enough I am sure.
The basic tenents of a good and healthy D/s relationship is Safe, Sane, and Consensual. This is on both sides, to protect even the Dominant. This works both in and out of the bedroom when one is in the D/s lifestyle. This goes for offline and online D/s relationships. This pertains to emotional and physical aspects.
The object for most submissives to enter into the lifestyle is to feel safe, love, protected, and guided. To give a sub this feeling they must be willing, they must be assured that they are safe from misunderstandings, and that they and their Dom(me)s are on the same page. This is where open communication is key. Outline firm offs, declare a safe word. The safe word should be something that one can utter easily under extreme pain or pleasure or even frustration. Trieste comments more on choosing a safe word in her blog.
Safe words are sacred. The Dom and the sub must know what the safe word is without any confusion. The moment the sub utters this word things stop, right then. Sit and talk about why you or your sub if your a dom reading this, used the word. Talk about if this is just something your a bit uncomfortable with or if its something that unless something drastic happens will never change.
I have heard of Dom's telling their new subs that they can never argue, never dissent always must agree. Well some Dom's enjoy that, and some sub's enjoy that though I find that very scary and not something I would wish to enter into. If your D wants this then as a sub you have the right to declare your safe word and talk, if he or she is unwilling to compromise then it is perfectly fine to walk away. Both parties should feel safe.
More to come tomorrow..