In this next part of an ongoing series, since it has been requested by popular demand that I continue further with my blogs on such relationships, I will be attempting to describe the bare bones of the lifestyle. This is the very basics of the lifestyle, not detailed as details should be worked out between a dom and a sub themselves, and not modeled after another D/s relationship no matter how successful.
What is a good submissive? Well that depends on what you prefer, but the bare basic is a good submissive attempts to make her Dom feel needed, loved, and appreciated. Note I left out 'in control' as some others might have added. The control aspect is more for the kink, in my opinion, rather then the lifestyle. It's sexualized, the transference of power and the lifestyle is not about sexualization.
It does not matter how you and your Dom prefers to achieve this sense of needed, loved, and appreciated, but that he or she feels it. Be it completely relying on them for most everything, as I do, or simply obeying a few simple rules in place. There are many levels of submission, and you must find the level you are comfortable with.
What makes a good Dominant? The bare basic is this, a good Dom makes his or her sub feel protected, safe, cherished, and loved. Boundaries are a way to make submissives feel secure and safe enough to do what they might not otherwise have the courage to do. Again, one must work out just how far the sub needs for this to go in order to feel these things.
It does not matter if you are down and dirty in the lifestyle, or if your just dipping your toes into it. The first mistake anyone can make entering a D/s relationship of any kind is assuming that as a submissive you have no say in anything. Or assuming that as a Dominant you have to have control of every thing. Open and honest communication is the key to a successful D/s.
How my husband and I do things, to ensure that things stay on track for both of us, is we have assigned a small room in the house as the "relationship" room. Its the smallest none closet room we have, symbolic that for the most part he is in control, and I have willingly given this to him as a sign of my trust in him, but it is there. This room all titles are dropped. He is no longer Husband, or Master, but and I am no longer submissive or wife, but his equal.
This is where we discuss in length our feelings towards our relationship, this is where we discussed in length the opening of our marriage. This is where anything discussed he can not say "I am pulling the Master card and overruling your opinions". I think that this helps us flesh out exactly what I am comfortable with, what he is comfortable with.