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Ok first of all let us establish that for this little blot on the blog space, when I say someone is submissive, of the submissive mindset, or otherwise I am talking in general not in just about sexuality. In fact for most of this blog, if it continues on the course I am thinking of at the moment, mostly will be discussing the submissive personality outside of the bedroom. The pros, the cons, and why I -and many more- are wired this way.

Ever since I can remember I have always been a pleaser, a server, a submissive person as you will. I have strong opinions, but after I express said opinions I am normally more then happy to go with whatever is decided, except with a very few things. As a child I would do things simply to please my father, note that I did not include my mother this will be explained further, which including memorizing lengthy portions of the Christian bible simply because it made him happy.

My mother on the other hand, I obeyed her as was expected of me but I did not go out of my way to please her. I don't know why that is, or even if it is relevant to anything, I just found it interesting that I did that.

Now don't get me wrong when I say what next I am going to say, I grew up in a healthy and loving home. I loved my childhood even if much of it was spent being a nursemaid to an ailing father, and I would not trade a bit of it for the world. It is because of my childhood in part as to why I am the way I am today, and for the most part I am happy with the way that I am.

That being said, my father was a German speaking General Baptist preacher. Very strict, very old country. His congregation was the Germanic group in the community and as such was very small. While we chatted with Amish, we were not Amish...though we did agree with much of the Amish beliefs. I say 'we' because at the time I did not think to believe anything different. Men were the ultimate authority here on Earth; Man was given dominion over woman. I believe I was actually told once that women, without men, would succumb to their temptations and needed a man to help guide them and keep them from sin. Now, of course, I don't believe any of that but as a child I bought into it.

Now before anyone jumps to any conclusions, no there was no child abuse or men deciding whom women should marry.that sort of thing did not happen but the women of the congregation did submit to the men. They voiced their opinions; they freely vocalized their concerns but when the conversation was over, if the man disagreed then the woman accepted it and moved on.

Now, there is a mini-history lesson of Sherona's life. Sorry I tend to ramble, and I veered off course there. The point being is, I believe the way I was reared factors into a lot of my submissive mindset. I absolutely hate to make decisions, I will make a decision and then spend days waffling back and forth on whether or not it was the correct decision. I hate having to take initiative for the exact same reason, please tell me who what where when and why and I will be a very happy camper. I enjoy having boundaries. The rules that my husband sets down give me limits and I actually feel safer for that.

Come to think of it, that is probably why I am such a rigid rule keeper, I don't try to find loopholes in rules, and if I break any rules it’s from just not knowing the rule, or not understanding of said rule.

As a submissive person, I do get to deflect responsibility. In all except the rearing of my children do I defer to my husband. That was not really even discussed between us, it just happened. I am in charge of the children’s punishments, chores, lessons, playtime, and care of the children. When their teacher calls and needs a conference, I am the one who goes and I do make those decisions. Though yes, I agonize over them I have never given those decisions over to my husband. *Catches herself rambling again*

However along with deflecting responsibility, I wonder if I also deflect pride in doing something. Without making decisions, without just going out on a limb and doing something spontaneous I wonder if I am missing something. Quite possibly, but in all things one must sacrifice one thing, to gain another.