I have established with Vek that this could be a personal/public journal as it were, so not everything I write here is about something or someone on Elliquiy. This is somewhat personal, but considering that my real name isnt attached to this, and that most of people who will probably read this are not unlike myself, I feel relatively safe. My man and I have been together for over two years. The entire time, we have more or less dabbled in kink. Nothing really heavy just some light spanks and dirty talk and the like nothing major.
Now I had been a part of the lifestyle(I know there are people out there who hate that term, but you will be strong) for some time before he and I got together, and I knew that he wasnt really into it or at least at the time he said he wasnt . We had talked about it, but I wasnt going to push it on him. He said he participated once before with a woman and she almost got really hurt because he lost control himself. Essentially he was afraid of hurting me. The thing about this life style is once your in, your body craves it if you dont get it. But I love him and if he wasnt comfortable, then I wouldnt push. How long do you think something like that can really last?
Approximately 2 years and 2 months, 12 hours, then I snapped. Before I left for my vacation, a teary eyed me told him that I couldnt go on denying what I was. (yes submissive/switch predominately submissive..there I said it and there are people who are going to say I TOLD YOU SO..but oh well) And I needed to find some outlet to help me get through this, mind you writing about it is all well and good, but being in it is BETTER. Could we please talk about somekind of alternative? I could look for a platonic Master, one who wouldnt own me, but we could mutually fulfill needs. And I would feel better, and of course then my guy wouldnt feel pressured. Do the words "OH HELL NO" mean anything to anyone else?
I have seen him become angry before, but the sheer idea of sharing me with even a friend of mine was out of the question. Especially an old friend of mine, but more on that another time. Now mind you, he and I agree that when we go on our little vacations, that if something comes up, and you have the opportunity for a goodtime then by all means, just please be safe. But the idea of someone else whipping my ass is apparently out of the quesiton all together. After a wonderful vacation I came home to him looking at me with a gleam in his eye that was a little frightening. You know that person that you think about when masturbate, come on subs you know what I am talking about, that man or woman ..the ONE...THE DOM... apparently he showed up at my house and hasnt left.
So now here we are...he is taking notes on when I am a smart ass. I wind up paying for them in more ways than one, once we are alone. We have spent hours talking about how to rig this, or making that, and always he has these little ways of reminding me of who and what I am to him. There have been lengthy discussions about being a fulltime slave. I dont know if I can do this, I tell him that compared with others I am a brat. He says that is one of the things he loves about me, and that he wouldnt like it if I were always agreeable. Essentially he is loving the hell out of torturing me, and I of course love it when he does find reason to do so...so I guess tit for tat. We are starting down this road and I am not sure what is going to happen to me, but I am willing to find out. The whole moral of the story or point of the blathering is...I have a safe word again...and it makes me very very happy...